Fears

Chapter 11 |Lakota|

| Chapter 11 |

| Lakota |

Hours later we had crossed the Arizona state line. The night sky speckled with distant stars and the hot dry air danced on my skin, tangling my hair. The smell of early summer thick in my lungs.

I looked around at the dark night around me, the convertible headlights the only light for miles. I expected to feel fear, but I didn't, this wasn't the suffocating darkness that made my heart race and my palms sweat, this was a different darkness, a calm soothing darkness that cooled my skin and calmed my raged heart.

In the backseat everyone was fast asleep. Kathleen sat on Riley's lap, her face pressed against his shoulder, her pink hair dancing in the wind. Ruby was cuddled with Levi, and even in the darkness I could see their hands entwined.

I was happy for them, but my happiness suddenly turned black like the night sky, as the realization that I would never feel the way they did crept over me. And it hurt, it hurt my heart more then it should have. But I knew that I would never be brave enough.

I looked over at Darren. His steady gaze fixed on the road, and the wind whipped back his wavy hair.

In the darkness of the night he looked so alone, mysterious, handsome.

I felt my face redden at the twist my mind had taken, but I couldn't take my eyes away from him.

"You should get some sleep," Darren said suddenly, his voice jarring me from my reverie. My face heated up, and not even the chilly wind could cool it. I was sure that he thought I was asleep, but I was wrong. Quickly I looked away, sinking deeper into my seat.

"I can't sleep," I said quietly. My hands were shaking, I clamped them into fists.

We sat in silence for a moment, and it felt like it was just me and him, alone, in the empty desert, with the stars watching over us.

"Do you think your uncle will really help us?" Darren asked.

This time I did look at him, memories of Uncle Mark flashing through my mind; the funny songs he would sing at me and my brothers birthdays, the cool things he would get us at Christmas, the fight he had with my dad, his blood dripping on the carpet, when he stopped coming over, when he stopped coming at Christmas. when he disappeared, just like my dad had. Just a distant memory that left a bad taste on your tongue.

"Yes," I said, trying to convince myself as much as Darren. "He will help us." He has to, I added quietly inside my mind.

It was true. Ever since leaving the casino our spirits had been down, and the possibility of conquering our fears now seemed like a far away dream.

"Good," Darren said firmly, then his tone changed. "I'm worried about Levi."

So was I, I realized. Every time I saw that hurt, fragile look in his eyes it shook me. If someone as strong and confident as Levi could be torn down by such a small thing then what would happen to us who weren't as strong? What would happen to me?

I wrapped my arms around myself, shielding myself from the cold. I looked up at the starry sky.

"Get some sleep Lakota," Darren said, his voice soft. "It will be an hour before we get there."

"Its okay," I said, the words slipping out of my mouth before I could think. "I want to stay up . . . . . so that you won't be alone."

Silence. My heart rate quickened, not believing what I had just said.

'Thank you," Darren said. and that was all. A warmth spread through my chest as we sat there in silence, the dark landscape rolling past, and the rhythm of the engine beating with our hearts.