Healing Your Heart of Thorns (title may change)

F**k My Sideways

Lysithea and Jon ride straight to Castle Black and are let in when the Night Watchmen recognize them Sam and a Steward named Pypar that everyone calls Pyp rush over to meet them and they were put straight to work.... after washing the Wildling stench off them, changing their clothes back to black and having supper they both get news about the death of Robb and Catelyn "I told you we should have stayed!"  Jon whispers to Lysithea who whispers back in her normal nectarous tone "so we could die too!?! not only was it was your choice to come and be a member of the Nights Watch but we have no idea where we'd be if we had stayed, in Winterfell protecting and dying for Bran and Rickon, in King's Landing you dead and me being raped a hundred times over because I'm "pretty", as members of Robb's army who died with them on that day and with the way Catelyn felt about me she would have done her damndest to separate us by making us both go to different places for she believed she had that kind of power I mean she did with you but not with me but since you made this choice we are where we're meant to be for as long as we're meant to be here, because of your choice we are stuck"  he frowns for he knows what she says is the truth "you're not  pretty you're beautiful! the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my life!"  he whispers "let me ask you this then Snow, if you were into men would you fuck me!?"  she whispers back in her baritone male voice he chuckles then whispers with a smile "yes"  she whispers back in her normal nectarous voice "then I am definitely pretty!"  he laughs.... the next day Lysithea hears Jon talk about Robb to Sam "the last time I saw him, he was in the courtyard in Winterfell he said "next time I see you, you'll be all in black" I was jealous of Robb my whole life the way my father looked at him, I wanted that he was better than me at everything.... fighting, and hunting, and riding, and girls gods the girls loved him, well all but one, the one that wanted me, I could never understand  why she wanted me and not Robb every guy in Winterfell was jealous of me because that girl wanted me even Robb but still I wanted to hate him, but I never could I had always figured the girl I love would have loved him after I left but I should have known better she's too loyal and they didn't really get along that well it was almost like she avoided him and I never understood why she did"  Sam says "sometimes I want to hate you"  Jon turns to face him "well you're better than me at everything except reading"  Lysithea chuckles softly as does Jon "they're.... they're um ready for you and Snær"  Sam says "he's wanted to hang us for awhile now's his chance"  Jon replies as he walks over to Sam who hands him his sword "no one's going to hang you you've done nothing wrong"  Sam says.... "that's not true in their eyes not only did he kill Halfhand for no reason but we both joined the Wildlings and in turn betrayed the Nights Watch"  Sam and Jon hear Lysithea say in her baritone male voice they look in the direction it came and see her standing by the door "how long have you been there!?"  Jon asks "long enough to hear you speak of your secret love affair with Robb"  she replies in her baritone male voice he chuckles with a smile then walks over to her and they head to where they have been summoned to well I suppose we'll call it court where a giddy Alliser tried his best to get them banished "so you admit you murdered Qhorin Halfhand?"  Alliser asks "at least he saw the sword coming!"  Lysithea whispers sarcastically in her baritone male voice Jon who was the only one who heard her hides a chuckle and a smile for he recalls the reason why she joked like that.... the story Halfhand had told about his men falling into a crevasse because they didn't see it.... "I didn't murder him, no"  Jon says to Alliser who replies "no? you put your sword through a brother of the Night's Watch what do you call that?"  Lysithea says in her baritone male voice "what I'd like to know is what happened to the ones who "put a sword through" Jeor and so many of their brothers!? after all they're still here and don't seem to have been punished in any way"  Alliser replies "we're here about your misconduct not theirs"  she says in her baritone male voice "so nothing then!? figures! they betray their own brothers for reasons unknown and get away with it we do what Halfhand told us to do and get put on trial Halfhand knew he had to die so that the Wildlings..... who seem to prefer to be called "Free Folk" but are not anymore free than we are would believe we had betrayed the Nights Watch so we could learn what their plan is it isn't our fault he's smarter than you!"  Alliser growls as she continues in her baritone male voice "after all because of the ones who killed more than one brother you have even less men to help you with what's to come"  Alliser asks "and what's that!?"  she replies in her baritone male voice "the "King Beyond the Wall" and his army of 100,000 men and a Spear Wife and I hope you're the first to die!"  before Alliser could speak Jon says "he's united the Thenns, the Hornfoots, the Ice River Clans he has Giants fighting for him"  Janos Slynt says "giants?"  Jon asks "have you ever been beyond the Wall, Ser?"  Slynt replies "I commanded the City Watch of King's Landing, boy"  Jon says "and now you're here you must have not been very good at your job"  Slynt stands in in anger and growls "how dare you!"  Jon says "there's a band of Wildlings south of the Wall already led by Tormund Giantsbane Snær killed their Warg and we both killed a few others and if it wasn't for her wounding their archer we both would have been shot full of arrows their orders are to attack Castle Black from the south when Mance hits it from the north the signal for the attack will be a bonfire Mance said it would be the greatest fire the north has ever seen that's the truth all the truth"  Slynt sits back down in his chair "do you intend to execute us or are we free to go?"  Jon asks "none of us are free we're men of the Nights Watch but we won't be taking either of your heads today, Jon Snow go on"  Aemon replies Lysithea bows with a smile at the man she knows can't see either Jon bows his head at that very same man then they both walk out of the building....