INTERLUDE

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A/N: My dissertation is kicking my ass and I feel like shit, so I wanted to revisit this Patreon oneshot I wrote for Christmas and share it with you guys for a laugh. No, it's not Christmas, yes, Easter just passed buttt I don't give a heck lol 🤣

Pls comment! I wanna know your thoughts on oneshots like this and your reactions make me feel like we're reading together! Have fun! ☺️🫶🏾

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THE LETTER

Dear Santa,

My name is Reuben Brett and I am the bestest boy known to mankind, therefore I should be acknowledged as such when you start dishing out gifts this christmas. Not only does my name spell 'good boy' when written backwards, I also have a sparkly green name badge that labels me as such.

It is only right that you too put me on the good list and give me everything I want and need this year. If you don't, you will go to hell and I will tell all the kids in my neighbourhood that Mrs Claus gave you pubic crabs!

Just kidding!

This year, I successfully stopped my Daddy from breaking up with me, was good enough to earn a new Master whom I love very much, and even went to all my college classes without failing a single course! As you can see, this much dedication to the very difficult and extremely tedious task of behaving myself, has paid off and I'd like a reward that proves my efforts have been noticed and appreciated.

I'd like a new sports bike so that I can take Mister Hopper and Spotikus to the park so we can visit their ex wives and children (that last part was an order from insect family court). I'd like the Zelda game for my switch since I finished Mario Bros and Mario Cart. I'd like a chocolate fountain for my bedroom and a swirly slide. Daddy said I can't cut up the ceiling so that I can slide from my bed into the kitchen, but I respectfully disagree and surely, he can't argue with Santa, so please ignore this small hiccup and install it anyway.

Finally, I have a super huge ask. Yesterday I was in the food court at college, minding my own business and behaving myself as previously discussed, when some girl told me that I was a weirdo for talking to my pet cricket and that it was 'giving mentally disturbed'. While I was smashing my burrito in her face and dumping my milkshake down her shirt, I got to thinking...

Wouldn't it be so fucking - i mean freaking - cool if Mister Hopper was human for a day? I think it would be totally awesome to have my bestest friend be seen and valued, much like a human. We could do so many things and I wouldn't have to worry about squishing him! Plus, it would be nice not to get harrassed by cricket hating bimbos. So, please make Mister Hopper human for a day so that I can have fun with my best friend. Also, I spent ten dollars on that burrito and milkshake combo so I'd appreciate it if you could refund my account :)

Anyways! I hope this letter reaches you in the North Pole, or England, since we all know Santa is actually British and the Queen's cousin! Remember the joke I made on line seven? Hahaha, make me happy this year Santa!

From, Reuben.

REUBEN POV

Master Nolan made it apparently clear that he didn't trust me to accompany him and Daddy on their Christmas shopping trip, explaining that it was 'extremely serious business' and there was no room for 'Reuben's tomfoolery'.

After being read a list of offences from our last family shopping trips such as secretly eating the chocolate and chips out of the cart before making it to the check out, accidentally-on-purpose hiding three new video games inside a bag of fruits and almost breaking Daddy's ankles playing Mario Kart with the shopping cart... I was told that I was being left at home.

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