𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍|2YEON|ENG

Alone

Jeongyeon had made up her mind, placing herself in a corner of her room, hoping that no one would come; she opened the chat with Nayeon and looked at the photo of her that she had sent her. She felt guilty, but the curiosity to see it again would have killed her. And then Nayeon had sent it to her and hadn't deleted it, so it wasn't completely her fault. She loved Nayeon (friendship love) but she felt too excited at the idea of ​​seeing her again and she knew well what it was, she had already felt it several times, with her last important friend in particular. It was always the same story every time: all it took was for someone to pay attention to her and she started to think she had feelings for them. It was called love dependence, which manifested itself in various ways, and in her it had decided to manifest itself by making her confuse affection with her romantic feelings. And she feared love dependence, because she was afraid that she would never be able to distinguish it from her love. What if one day she fell in love with someone but she would always doubt her feelings? Or, worse, what if she was in a relationship and suddenly realized that she wasn't in love but that it was just a deception that her stupid psyche had played on her? She didn't want to hurt anyone.

That day Nayeon had to study alone and, needless to say, she did very little. Jeongyeon, however, took the opportunity to write a little. She wrote several books in which she told pieces of her life without even realizing it.

The next day Jeongyeon hadn't stopped thinking about Nayeon and she, she had to be honest, was excited to see her, curious to see if something could change between them; but why should this have happened? She and her vivid imagination.

She took the bus and felt her heart pounding in her chest. She knew that she shouldn't delude herself, that her friend didn't attract her physically and even less romantically, it was just emotional dependence. She was on the bus for about an hour and didn't do much. When she found herself in front of Nayeon's house, her stupid heart started pounding again. She shook her head and knocked. It wasn't Mrs. Im who opened but Nayeon herself.

-You are here! I was about to call you.

-Hi. How many pages have you written?

-Ten in total.

-Wow, that's already a lot. I didn't expect that from you.- Jeongyeon commented jokingly upon entering.

-Oh, did I tell you about who I'm texting with?

-No. Who is this now?

Nothing, she wasn't jealous, she wasn't in love. She breathed an internal sigh of relief.

-I met him on Instagram.

-Don't tell me.

-His name is Minhyuk, he's from Seoul too. He plays basketball, he's twenty-five years old and he's really hot. I'll show you a photo.- They went up to Nayeon's room while the girl opened Minhyuk's profile. -There he is.

-Mh. Yes, cute.

Nayeon excitedly showed her messages between her and Minhyuk to Jeongyeon, who read them with interest.

-But don't be hasty as usual.

Nayeon rolled her eyes. -As you wish, mother. Now let's get to work.

And so they got to work, writing and correcting Nayeon's thesis. A good two hours passed, then Nayeon decided that it was enough and she turned off the computer.

-Today I'm alone, my parents went to visit my grandmother.

-Good luck, I hope thieves don't enter the house.

-Stay here?

Jeongyeon thought about it. Stay home alone with her friend who she had no feelings for? It was an activity she did often. By now her love dependence had taken hold of her, she had to learn to live with it because she knew well that it wouldn't go away so quickly.

-Okay, I'll stay.

-Well! What are we doing? What shall we order?

-Nothing.

Nayeon smiled bitterly. She hated being so helpless that she couldn't make Jeongyeon feel comfortable enough to eat in front of her. She wondered if she ate in front of her other friends. A small feeling of jealousy towards her other friends hit the older girl.

-What do you want to do? Let's see a movie?

-All right. Which one?

-Well, now let's start arguing.

-I have a beautiful film that I have to show you.

-If it's like last time...

-It's beautiful, really!

-Do you know what Jihyo and I usually see? I won't suggest it to you because I know you would never see it.

-What? Harry Potter?

-Did they make a Harry Potter version? No, anyway no. We watch erotic films.

-Oh. Cool.

-Cool?

-I actually don't know. Anyway, let's see the movie I said?

-All right...

They turned the computer on again and Jeongyeon carefully searched for the movie that she absolutely needed to share with someone. Usually she couldn't do it with anyone other than Ryujin, but with Nayeon it was easy to suggest doing something. With Nayeon she could express her opinions. With Nayeon she could be herself and that terrified her. She wasn't afraid that she would find her banal and profoundly boring, as was the case even with her friends who she had known since they were little. With Nayeon there was a relationship that went beyond any human limit.

The raven-haired girl observed her brunette friend while she was looking for the name of the film in full concentration; Nayeon got on the bed next to the taller girl and smiled, brushing away a hair that had ended up on her nose. Jeongyeon continued to do what she was doing but internally it was as if she had frozen in place. She remembered well how many times she had done it to her friends in the past and she had always been afraid that they might think there were double ends. But... Why with Nayeon she almost seemed like she would have wanted to do it with pleasure? She felt the need to have physical contact with her. She swallowed and clicked on the movie she had chosen.

-A historical film? Really?- Nayeon asked, settling down.

-It's beautiful.- the brunette stated, concentrating on the screen and hoping that the other would do the same.

-If you say so.- Nayeon said resting her head on Jeongyeon's shoulder.

An action that she often did but which at that moment was making Jeongyeon's heart beat faster. She hated herself, because she would never be able to distinguish love from her affection problem and this would hurt her and those around her. She was destined for a life alone.