Eska ~ The Forgotten Gilbert

26. Confessions of a vampire

Damon's POV

"So." We were sat around the table, Stefan and I having worked out Italian heritage magic in the kitchen. "Any ideas what all that was then?"

Elena reached for Stefan's hand, giving it a squeeze. "You're feeling better now, Stefan?"

He nodded, reaching for the jug of water to refill both Elena and Eska's empty glasses. I was relieved to see that Eska was slowly working her way through the food, having spent the first few minutes of the meal pushing it around the plate with a fork.

"Guess we can add whatever that was to the list of Eska's talents." I smirked at her, enjoying the slight blush that graced her pale skin. "It was, my dear, truly something." I raised my glass of wine to her, giving her a wink.

"I've healed people before," she said, her voice quiet as ever, "but I wasn't sure it would work on you." She looked over at Stefan, her eyes suddenly wide, as if frightened that she might have offended him. "Not that... you're obviously..."

"Eska, it's fine." Stefan smiled gently at her. "I'm grateful that you could help me. I can't begin to explain the guilt I'm feeling over my actions. I can't imagine how much worse I'd feel if I'd done even more..." 

My brother looked away in shame whilst Elena but a soft hand on his cheek, her dreamy chocolate eyes wide and mesmerising. "That wasn't you, Stefan. It's ok. It's all going to be ok."

I snorted into my drink. "Stefan has a history of... unfortunate incidents... following the consumption of human blood."

My brother shot me a dark look, mirrored by Elena. If only Elena knew.. I thought. Deciding to ignore them both, I turned my attention back to Eska. She was looking better than she had before, her previously depleted energy starting to return to her, or so I hoped. 

"How far did you run, Eska?" My question seemed to startle her out of her own quiet musings, and she jumped slightly in her seat.

"Oh..." she thought for a second. "Not far." 

"Right." Probably further than I'd like to think of someone so frail running, I thought. "Are you feeling better?"

She nodded, taking another bite of her food as if to punctuate her recovery. She had borrowed some clothes from Elena, and if I was being honest, they only served for worry me further. The clothing, belonging to an already slim Elena, hung from Eska's frame. 

"I think you should take it easy the next few days," I commented. "What do you reckon?"

Eska just shrugged. "I'll be fine. We have a cheer competition coming up - Caroline will be wanting us to attend all the practices."

I frowned, not liking what I was hearing. 

"Damon..." Eska caught my look at shook her head. "Please, just leave it. Let me, just be normal. Please?"

How could I say no to her? 

Later that night, Stefan took the girls home, and I waited up for his return. I was feeling unusually guilty for my comment about his actions when under the influence of human blood. 

"Stefan..." I handed him a glass of whiskey as he entered the hall, still being warmed by the fire. "

"Thank you." He took the glass, taking a slow sip.

"No, Stefan, thank you." He raised an eyebrow at me.  

"You're back on Bambi blood, and I'm the big badass brother again. All is right in the world." 

"Big badass brother?" He laughed. "I see you, Damon."

I looked at him, confused.

"I see you. And Eska. I saw how worried you were when she collapsed."

I shook my head, every instinct in me pushing to deny all. "The girl was barely breathing, Stefan, of course I was worried. There's been enough dead girls today." A low blow, and one I wasn't proud off.

Stefan brushed it off. "You have feelings for her."

"I..."

He interrupted me. "I'm not stupid, brother. I see it, even if nobody else does. I know you better than anyone."

I was starting to feel uncomfortable. Was Stefan right? I thought I was only showing my... feelings.. towards Eska when we were alone? That was what I supposed to do.Supposed to do?? I shook myself. What did I mean, 'supposed to do'? Surely I had complete control over my own feelings...

"You're wrong."

Stefan sighed, finishing the rest of his drink. "Whatever, Damon. The long and short of it is, she saved me. And you looked after her. So I mean it. Thank you. For...helping her take care of me."

I brushed off my previous musings. "You brood too much. Everything on this planet is not your fault. My actions, what I do, it's not your fault. I own them. They belong to me. You are not allowed to feel my guilt."

Stefan looked at me, surprised."Do you feel guilt?"

I shrugged, ignoring the small voice in my head screaming that yes, yes I did feel guilt. For denying my true feelings for Eska, even though I wanted to. Sure, I had plenty of other things to feel guilt for. For the death of Bonnie's grandmother, for example.

"If I wanted to, it's there. Emily waited till after I turned to tell me she'd been successful in protecting Katherine with her spell. She didn't want me to know about the tomb. She thought it would impact my decision."

"She didn't want either one of us to turn. She said it was a curse."

"Witches...Judgy little thing." I felt ashamed as soon as I'd said it.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Stefan took a step towards me, and I hated the look of pity on his face.

"'Cause I didn't want you to know. 'Cause I hated you and I still do." It was a pathetic attempt, and I knew it.

"I know."

"But not because you forced me to turn." Oops. I hadn't anticipated on letting that one out of the bag.

Stefan paused, looking straight at me. "Then why?"

I sighed. Why not tell the truth about this one? "Because she turned you. It was just supposed to be me, Stefan...Just me."

I turned from him, heading up the stairs to my room, picturing the deep chocolatey eyes, the soft silky hair. Not of Elena. Not this time. Of Katherine. And yet, for the first time, perhaps ever, I realised that I didn't feel a thing.