The Eyes Of An Artist

Chapter 14

The next day my body felt relaxed and the anxiety had reduced a lot. I felt so free, as if my life was still just beginning. I wanted to wait to tell Tom, if I called him from house maybe my family would hear something so when I got out of the university I called him. I wanted him to recieve the news from a call and not a message,
- Hey Hann, what happened? - he said when he answered.
- I have really good news - I said almost laughing.
- What? - he asked with a happier voice than the one that he had when he first answered me.
- I'm not pregnant - I said. A silence built up between us.
- Oh my God, I was so scared - he said a few seconds later.
- Baby that's so good! I'm so so happy. I mean, I'd really like to have children with you but now wasn't the moment.
- Yeah I was so scared too - I said with my heart beating extremely fast all of the sudden.
- But, we'd make good parent's wouldn't we? - he said with a voice that felt a little insecure to me.
- I suppose so... I never really thought of having babies until thirty - I said exagerating.
- Thirty? That's a lot of time... How about twenty eight? - he said with a tender voice.
- Well, why not? We could have two little kids. One little Tom and one little Hann - I said imagining little baby clones of us.
He laughed on the phone and I felt my chest full of warmth.
- I love you - I whispered when he finished laughing. I was surprised at myself, at why I chose to tell him in that moment suddenly.
- Me too - he answered. And I was feeling so gratefull and happy. If we had a baby at twenty one it would have been a nightmare for all of us.

I breathed in and let all of my worries out in one long breath. I went back home and studied for the tests that I was going to have the next week.
When it started to get a little late I went outside to the balcony and lost myself playing guitar. Music had always been my closest friend, even at my darkest times. I felt free in the chords of my old wooden guitar.

My brother once told me this theory that japanese people had about the soul. It said that the more you gave yourself to something, the more soul it was going to have.
I played guitar every single day but because it meant so much to me. It was my way of speaking, of letting go of the deepest emotions that lived in me. So I thought that after so many years of turning my feelings and emotions into songs my guitar had a beautiful soul and it almost felt like it had a life of its own. So I took extreme care of it and placed it always in the same place after strumming its strings.

The next days passed and everything felt in place again, as if all the worry that I had felt towards the possible pregnancy had just been a dream. But something felt odd to me, something was missing and I didn't know what it was.