The Eyes Of An Artist

Chapter 21

I said to myself,
- Oh no...
And yes, it was her. She crossed the street with her enthusiastic walk and wouldn't stop smiling while she did this. My heart was beating so fast in my chest, I felt like my whole body was about to explode because of the sudden energy it contained. I felt myself trembling.
- Hannah - she said to me, she kind of gasped my name because she had walked very fast towards me.
- Evelyn, how's life? - I said. I don't know what I said or why I said that, I felt so nervous.
She laughed with that tender laugh of hers that made me forget about the months that had passed without seeing eachother.
- Life's been good - she finally said, looking at me in the eye.
- Oh... That's good - I said, feeling dumb. I felt her gaze on me, that long gaze on my eyes.
- I missed you - she said. Her expression went from happiness to something that looked like hurt and offense.
- Sorry I... - I didn't know what to say. My mind went blank and I remembered the dream suddenly.
- You what...? - she said with this soft feminine tone that made something go up my spine.
- I had lot's of things to do and I couldn't continue with the classes - I said quickly and a little ashamed of lying.
- Oh... You never messaged me - she said, ignoring my answer.
I lifted my eyes from the floor and stared into her's.
- I didn't - I said, coldly.
- Do you not like me? - she asked with this slight pain in her tone.
- Yes I do, sorry I'm bad at expressing myself and sometimes I seem a little rude.
- Why didn't you message me? - she insisted. Her voice felt like something warm and comfortable wrapping my body.
- Sorry - I said.
- You're not answering - she said. Now mad and raising her tone. I felt like I was going to fall apart.
- I... I... - I couldn't say anything.
Her fingers touched my wrist slightly.
- It's okay, sorry I got a little mad - she said, placing her fingers on my skin and burning my heart with her touch.
I stood silent and my gaze went from my shoes to her eyes again. We looked at eachother for a while and said nothing.
- Are you onto something now? - she asked after removing her fingers from my wrist.
- Not really - I said.
- Do you want to walk a little? - she asked searching for my eyes again.
- Okay - I said and her gaze met mine making me feel all shy. Why did she have these effects on me? It made me feel so weak.

We went to a park that was only a few blocks away from where we were.
- These months painting classes have been boring without you - she said putting a bit of hair behind her ear.
- Do you still enjoy it? - I asked.
- Not as much as my boyfriend - she said laughing a little to herself.
A silence was built between us.
- Oh... I didn't know you had a boyfriend - I said a little shocked. It's that I had never imagined her dating anybody, I'm not sure why.
- Yes! We've been together for around four months or something. I met him at a friend's house - she said without looking at me.
- That's really good - I said feeling numb.
- Are you still with Tom? - she asked me in a casual way.
- Yeah... - I said.
- That guy's the love of your life - she said smiling and I don't know why but my heart sank into my chest.
- Maybe - I said and we laughed together, I don't know why.

She spoke to me about her carreer and about how she was doing. Her eyes were full of passion when she spoke of it and I remembered why I had felt such admiration towards her. She had this gravity in her presence when she spoke of what she loved and it pulled me closer and closer.
We were sitting on a bench in the park when we spoke and everything around me had no importance.

Suddenly we realized the sun was starting to set and it was getting dark and we walked to the entrance of my building, her building was in the same direction as mine.
When we reached the entrance she spoke.
- Hannah - she said looking at my eyes - before we separate I need you to answer me -. This scared me and I felt like we were back at the start.
- Yes? - I asked feeling ready to be attacked.
- Did I ever make you feel uncomfortable or something? Like, that's why you didn't message me? - she asked.
- No... I was full of things and I didn't realize - I said, trying to be polite.
- I miss having you around - she said. Her face was close to mine or that's what I felt and her voice sounded very honest.
In that moment I thought to myself: she has a boyfriend, that makes her straight so nothing can happen with her, we'll just be friends and everything will be fine.
- Let me text you before we separate - I said and she gave me this look, it had something that made me feel lots of emotions at the same time.
- Finally - she said laughing with happiness. I thought to myself that when she laughed she was beautiful.
So I sent her a message and we parted ways.

I had this feeling, this strange feeling of guilt but at the same time triumph, as if I had done something good for myself.
Days felt less heavy, I'm not really sure why. But things felt easier if that makes sense.

We spoke every day with text messages and I don't know why but it felt so good, as if I was letting myself have what I had wished for during months and months.

- Hann, wanna go to a concert with me? I know this is random but my parents were going to go and they finally decided not to so I have two tickets to the concert - she wrote me one day at around 7pm.
- Oh, yeah that's random haha - I answered. I thought to myself why didn't she go with her boyfriend but I didn't really overthink it.
- Yeah let's go! - I texted a few seconds later.