The Eyes Of An Artist

Chapter 8

I hate sleeping during the day so I started doing things that my proffesors had sent me. I focused on those things and relaxed a little.
The next day I had to go to the university and I didn't feel like it at all but it was worse if I stayed at home were I had to hide all of my emotions because these things couldn't happen in our family.
So I went to class and it helped. I spoke with my friends and felt this need to tell them but I couldn't, I don't know why. I felt like I had to keep it a secret and it was weighing on me so bad. 

Tom wouldn't stop sending me messages and I didn't want to know anything about him. I needed space from him because thinking of us made me worry even more. It was Friday and my friends invited me to a bar and we had a really good time. I didn't drink anything though because my anxious mind was worried about a possible baby, I didn't want to hurt it by drinking. It's that I had no idea of anything. We never had had sex without protection and I never considered having babies at twenty one.

- Are you feeling good? - asked Sarah looking at me in the eyes. She was my closest friend and could almost feel my own emotions. Shit, she noticed.
- Yeah! I just don't feel like drinking today, I'm hungry anyways - I said smiling and she kind of fell for that. She didn't ask again how I was doing that night.

We spoke of a million things and I forgot about my problems. We were a group of three and they were amazing friends. Sarah and Madaline meant so much to me because I felt like I could really trust them but this thing, I felt like I couldn't say it. And I don't really know why.

That weekend I studied hard to forget about all of my worries and it worked until Sunday night. I had been studying all day long and I decided to go for a walk when suddenly I bumped into Tom. He was waiting for me on the outside of my building. My heart dropped and all of the fear returned to my whole body.

I thought of going back to the elevator and leaving it there. But no, I couldn't do this to him anymore. So I breathed in and walked towards the door. He looked at me through the glass and bars of the tall antique entrance. I felt so cruel when I looked into his worried eyes. He seemed stressed and weak.
I opened the door slowly and we just looked at eachother for a few minutes without saying anything.
His eyes seemed tired but also anxious. His hair was all messy and it looked as if he hadn't been getting much sleep.

- Hey - I said. Barely hearing my own voice.
- Hey... - he answered a few seconds later. He seemed so broken and I felt like I had been managing the situation differently and it still hadn't taken so much of me. I kind of repressed it.
- Let's walk, please - he said. And we walked a little until he started speaking.
- You can't do that to me! - he said shaking.
- Disappear like that, I was so...so worried! - he said with this agitated voice.
I felt all of this guilt but also I understood myself and my need to be alone.
- Tom, sorry - I said stopping and looking at him. The worried expression still didn't leave his face.
- Sorry - I said wrapping my arms around him, feeling all of the sudden this wave of love towards him.
I could feel his tense body under my arms, his rapid breathing, and his cold skin.
- Sorry - I reapeated many times into his ear while holding him and caressing his hair with one of my hands.
And after some long minutes his body started feeling a little less tense, a little warmer and heavier, as if finally gravity had registered him and he had returned to time and space leaving his world of consuming thoughts.

After a while we separeted from eachother and he gave me this look that I'm never going to forget. It had so much love and forgiveness, it held him, all of him.
- We'll get over this - he said with a more grounded voice. And he kissed my forhead.
We walked that night through the city and one of his hands slipped into one of mine. His fingers intertwined with mine and I felt power in my body, in my soul. Everything felt tiny when we were together.
We started talking about other things and laughed a little when we decided to dance while waiting to cross one of the dark city streets. He made me spin and his laughter invaded me while I was in mid air.
I had forgotten about how much I needed him in my life.

That night we decided to go and have dinner at a restaurant. I told my parents about the little date so they wouldn't worry and we ended up having pizza with coca cola. I loved to do this with him.
We spoke about everything but the situation and it kind of felt like nothing of that had ever happened and we were back to our old selves.