I Need You

Horde

Daryl

"I know this is insane, but this is an insane world. We gotta come for them, before they come for us." Rick pauses and looks at all of us. "We can do this."

As far as speeches go, Rick's done better. Still, the Alexandrians don't know that. They hang on his every word. All scared. They ain't never had t' protect their home b'fore. Seein' the quarry for themselves yesterday seemed to wake 'em up. Or like Merle used t' say it lit a fire up their ass. You could see it in their eyes. Each one with a collective oh shit look on their faces as soon as they saw the horde. No one questioned Rick after that. They were willin' t' do whatever they had to, to keep their families safe, to keep Alexandria safe. I glance around as everyone bobs their heads in agreement.

Rick tells everyone t' take their places. Most of the people line the road with their guns and flares at the ready. Sasha and Abraham hop in the car and go t' the red checkpoint where they will join me and the herd. I start up my bike while Tobin gets in one of the semis. Rick gives him the signal and he moves the semi back just a lil' bit but it's enough t' open the floodgates. Tobin gets out of the other side and runs t' Rick.

I rev my bike and get the walkers attention on me. The sound draws 'em. Here we go. I drive slowly, no more than 20 mph at any given time. My adrenaline is high and movin' so slow is torture. My mind is racin' to compensate for the slow ride. I think 'bout what I'm doin' right this second. Rick was right, this is insane. I think 'bout all the things that could go wrong. I could get a flat tire. My bike could stall. Sasha and Abraham could get in a wreck on the way to the red checkpoint and I have t' do this alone. My head spins with all the possible worst case scenarios. It does no good 'cept make me even more nervous.

I try t' focus on somethin' else. Anythin' else. My thoughts venture t' Beth like they always do when I need some peace a'mind. I hear her sweet voice singin' t' me about parties, candy and gettin' married. The memory of this mornin' floods into my mind. Her voice like an angel, makin' my chest ache with every word. Then she sang the chorus and I felt my chest tighten even more. If I didn't know better, I'da thought I was havin' a heart attack but the yearnin' I felt told me that wasn't the case. I wanted t' do everythin' she sang in the song. Gettin' married under the stars with it bein' just us... it sounded pretty perfect to me.

I thought she wanted to wait which is what my dumbass said in response t' the song. I hadn't mentioned it anymore 'cause I figured she'd let me know when it was time. But I can't say I haven't wanted to talk about it, especially lately. Especially after Tobin called her my wife by accident one day when we was out workin' on a barricade. I corrected him and told him we wasn't married yet. He gave me a funny look and asked me why not. I didn't have an answer for him. I know what we said but things have been goin' real good and I know what I want. I know she does too and it got me thinin'... what the hell we waitin' for?

I'm glad she said somethin' t' me this mornin'. I jus' wish I would've said somethin' else... somethin' more. Somethin' to tell her, that sounds great. Or at least somethin' that would've told her, I'd like that, I want ya forever, Evergreene. But no my dumbass was so shocked, I could barely string together a halfway decent sentence. Then Rick called for us and the moment was gone. She has t' know how I feel though, right? I'd like to think I've let her know as best as I can but I also know I ain't the best at sayin' how I feel. Talkin' ain't my strong suit. My default is to act on my feelin's rather than talk 'bout 'em. Have I shown her enough how I feel?

I get t' the red checkpoint and Abe and Sasha start drivin' along side me. We lead them to the barricade site marked with orange balloons (the corner of Marshall and Redding). Rick and Michonne stand behind the barricade shootin' flares in the direction we are turnin', herdin' the horde like sheep dogs. This is the site Beth and I worked the most on with the others. It's where I got the balls t' tell Rick that I think we should still keep lookin' fer people. Later that same day, Beth said she heard me tellin' Rick my opinion and she was proud of me. Ain't no one ever been proud of me before. Pride swole in my chest at her words. It made wanna keep makin' her proud. Before, I was so used to bein' a disappointment to everyone 'round me. To know she don't think that is... nice. I don't know... in a way I feel honored. She deserves someone she can be proud of. I swore t' myself that day that I'd do my best every damn day t' keep makin' her proud.