The Drug Dealers Handbook

Chapter Eighteen

"Well," I choked out. "That complicates things." 

Instead of answering, James just kept staring at me, and it felt different than any other look he had given me. I couldn't quite explain why it felt so strange. He looked at me like I was a completely different person. His lips were parted and his eyes were searching my face.  

I wondered if I was mirroring his look. 

Finally, he rubbed his face with his hand and said, "Yeah, it does." When he realized I had nothing to say in response he asked, "Should we talk about it?"

"I don't know, is that what people usually do?"

He smiled. "I don't know."

"Okay,"

James took another step toward me. "Morgan..." he trailed off, not sure what to say. But then again, neither did I. I was still trying to comprehend what had just happened.

And just started to process the damage I had just done.

"Oh my God," I groaned, slumping down on the bench and burying my face in my hands. I felt him sit down next to me. "What did I do?" 

He was silent for a moment before saying, "You didn't do anything. That was my fault and I'm sorry." I wasn't completely sure if he was apologizing for crossing the borders of friendship, or because he also realized that it wasn't just me and him this affected. 

Spencer was going to be crushed. 

"It's not like I stopped you," I mumbled with my face still in my hands. He didn't argue this, and after another moment of not talking, he laid a hand on the top of my back, tracing circles with his fingertips. The comfort of the moment felt amazing in comparison to the revulsion of my actions, but it was the worry that I may give into James again that got me to stand up from the bench. 

"I should get back. I think we both have a lot to figure out." It was a blank I didn't need to fill in, we both knew I was talking about what we - or I, I should say - to Spencer. 

He nodded his head slowly, and looked like he was going to let me go with no questions asked. But I should have known better. The second I went to leave, he said, "Wait,". I turned around with caution. 

"What?" I asked. 

"Why did you tell Nat about me? About what we do?" his voice was soft and his expression gave away nothing. I was honestly confused. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said with genuine confusion. 

James gave a dry laugh and shrugged his shoulders. "Okay," was all he said. As a turned to go again, he called after me, "At least don't lie about it." 

Again, I was confused. "I didn't say anything to her," 

He ran a hand over his face. "Look, I know you were pissed at me, and I'm not mad you told her. I actually expected it to come out a lot sooner. But you could have at least told be before she attacked me and demanded I give her weed." 

My brow furrowed. "She did what?" 

"Alright, play dumb." The words he said gave the allusion that he was mad, but he wasn't acting like he was. He just seemed... Disappointed. 

"Whatever she said or did to you, I had nothing to do with it. And that's me being honest." I threw back at him. He didn't say anything else and sat back down on the bench, his arms resting on the back of either side. 

I shrugged it off and started to walk away again, and this time he didn't stop me. 

And it wasn't until I left that I realized I had no where to go. I couldn't go find Spencer, I'd just cheated on him. With his brother. I didn't want to go to Nat because 1) I was so not in the mood to talk about what had just happened, and 2) Whatever James was talking about, I did not want to deal with at the moment. Honestly, the only person I wanted to talk about kissing James with, was James.