It All Comes Down to Love..💍

Lupus..

Present Time-Toni Pov:
I don't feel any better than I did yesterday. I'm feeling very weak still and my heart is aching. It feels like I'm being stabbed right through the heart. I miss my sister Traci and now that she's gone I still haven't gotten over that. It's been a year and some change, but I still feel that pain. She died in March of 2022 and it'll be 2 years soon.

I'm just laying in the bed on top of Janet, limp. I think if I move I'll puke or at least that's what it feels like. This is the worst it's been in a while so I'm concerned about myself right now, everything else can wait.

Janet started stirring in her sleep and her moving was making everything worse. At least she's awake now so maybe she can get me a trash can or something.

"Baby you good?" she said, she seen the state I was in.

"Uhm I actually think if I get up I might throw up on you.." I said nervously. I was frozen in place and I hate throwing up, it makes me cry.

"Can I move to go find a trash can?" she asked. I don't think that's a good idea.

"I don't think you want t-" and then I threw up on her. I really wasn't trying to but it wouldn't stop coming out. She was rubbing my back in soothing circles telling me to let it all out.

"Shit!" I cursed to myself as I stopped and I thought it was over until it stared coming out again, this time it landed on the floor. Gross right!

"I'm going to carry you to the bathroom" Janet said lifting me up quickly and gently. She carried me to the toilet and then I threw up my insides.

She had started a bath for me while she took the sheets off the bed and threw them in the trash. She was cleaning it up off the floor, when I had gained the strength to get up and get undressed to sit in the bath.

Getting in the bath helped me to feel a little bit better, but what concerned me was that I was throwing up blood and the chest pains had worsened. They were getting worse by the minute.

"Jan come here please.." I said whisperishly.

"What's going on?" she said walking into the room.

"Can you hand me some Ibuprofen please?"I asked her holding onto my chest.

"Toni this has gone in for too long! Get up because we're going to the hospital!" she said as she jumped in the shower and washed herself.

"Can we just wait one more day and see if it goes away please baby?" I begged her. I hate hospitals because they make me feel gross and it's annoying. They're going to evaluate me and keep me for a few days and I don't want to be there.

"Baby, I'm worried about you, but I guess. If they're not gone tomorrow then we're going to have problems." she said as the shower water ran over her. I got out the bath and joined her. I hugged her front as the water just ran over us.

I feel better because I'm more relaxed, but these chest pains are just getting worse. I'm not going to tell her though because I don't want to be in the hospital. As long as they don't interfere with my breathing I should be fine.

"You okay baby, you feel lightheaded or anything?" she asked as she rubbed my back and held me close.

"No I'm okay for now...I love you." I said as I leaned up for a kiss. She kissed me back surprisingly, I didn't think she would because I threw up.

"I love you too, you ready to get out?" she asked as she continued to rub my back. I just nodded in a yes manner. I was actually really sleepy and I'm scared to eat because it may not stay down. I'm going to try, but if it comes back up I'm not eating anymore. It's going to be straight liquids.

"Tone what do you want to eat, we haven't eaten yet.." Janet said as we laid in bed and she scrolled through instagram while rubbing my back. I was just laying on her stomach and watching tv.

"Can you just go get some soup from Panera Bread or something soft. I want a light meal just to see if it stays down given what happened earlier." I said softly.

"I'm not leaving you here, so do you want me to ask Tamar if she can go get it for us? Or do you think you'll be okay to come with me?" she asked.

"We can ask Tamar, I don't want to get out, or get up at all." I said grabbing my phone to call Tamar.

|Dialing Tay's Batline 🦇🤍|

"Hey living legend what's up?" Tamar asked.

"Hey Tay are you out and about?" I asked.

"Yes, why? What's going on?" she asked, she seemed frantic like she was panicking.

"Nothing is wrong I was just wondering if you could go to Panera Bread and get me and J some soup. She doesn't want to leave me here and I don't have to the strength to get up right now." I said, attempting to calm her down.

"Oh, girl I was about to have a panic attack. You had a flare up?" she asked me.

"Yea, it's pretty bad. I threw up everywhere this morning and I feel limp. It's just a whole ass mess." I said, because truthfully it feels like I have two dumbbells sitting on my shoulders.

"I get you sis..what did y'all want from Panera?" she asked, I'm assuming she was close to being there.

" One large chicken noodle soup and One broccoli and cheese soup. Then get some type of bread like a baguette and that's it. We have drinks and stuff here." I said.

"Ok, anything else T?" she asked.

"Can you go get me some french fries from mcdonald's please.." I said, I love french fries with a passion. This is known by everyone.

"I knew you were going to say that, but I'll be there in a lil bit, love you." she said.

"Love you too, bye" I said hanging up the phone. I'm glad to have a family that I can depend on for any and everything. They make me feel like I can talk to them about anything regardless of my situation. They know that I deal with an autoimmune disease and sometimes I can't just get up and go and they accept that.

About 20-25 minutes later Tamar was at the door with our food. She put it on the counter and then we sat and talked for a little bit. She left though because she had to go get Logan from my mom's house. Apparently my mother has a date, I'm going to find out who.

"Eissa come eat!" Janet yelled from downstairs. He ran downstairs, got some soup, and then went back to his room on that damn game. I don't know what's so damn addicting about that shit. Maybe it's the colors.

"How you feeling baby, now that you've put a little something in your stomach?" Janet asked as we sat on the couch huddled up together. We were watching the old sitcom "Girlfriends" with Tracee Ellis Ross.

"I feel a little bit better, not good enough though. This morning it felt like I was going in a downward spiral, but now it's a bit better. Thank you sweetie." I said pecking her soft plump lips.

"What are you thanking me for?" she asked.

"For just being here given my situation, I love you for that and everything that you do baby." I told her. She's the sweetest, she just held onto me tighter and then fell asleep. My chest pains are still here and constantly hurting, but that's not what I'd like to worry about right now. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

To Be Continued....