Varigo 😙

One: Part 2

Varian's POV

I avoid Hugo as much as possible for the next four days. A few times he looks like he might start a conversation with me, but I just slip out of the room or pretend not to see him. Maybe if I ignore him, we'll both forget what happened.

It doesn't work, though. I think about it constantly. I'll be doing my work and there it is, that one memory, chasing me, pinning me down and yelling in my face that I like him.

And the worst part is it's true. It's all true. I hate myself for it, feeling like this, thinking about him, getting anxious when his body gets closer to mine. I really did to convince myself it was a lie, that I hated his guts or I just wanted to be friends.

It doesn't work. It never works. I cry myself to sleep on Tuesday. I don't know why. My tears dampen my pillow and my head throbs with pain, and I feel like I've been squeezed violently, every ounce of my sadness trying to seep out of me. And it does, until all I feel is numb.

I wake up shaking. I flail sideways out of my bed. I look at my clock. 10:45. I race to dress myself in different clothes and get to the North Tower. Hugo is sitting on the floor near the edge, hands clasped and gazing up at the stars. I don't move, frozen in place with anxiety. I'm not supposed to feel like this. I think I'm supposed to feel like friends with him. I would even take feeling so sure about him I rush towards him so he can wrap me in his arms. But no. I stand there, shaking in the night air, my brain short circuiting.

Hugo looks back at me, and his lips spread in a smile. It stirs up something warm in my sternum. But I still can't take a single step. I'm paralyzed with fear. Not of him. But of letting someone get close enough to my heart they could hurt it. And if I step forward now, I'm giving him everything. Caring about him is going to destroy me. I'm going to die loving him.

But it's how I'd want to go.

I inhale deeply, look straight into his devastating brown eyes, and take a step. It seems to echo, spreading to the corners of the earth with the weight of it. And then I'm walking towards him and sitting down beside him. His smile grows wider, as if he knows the decision I just made.