for you, i try | beynika

11.

ONIKA MARAJ
MARCH 12th, 2022
HOUSTON, TX

With my mother being in town, I was truly suffering. I don't know why she does the thing she does. I just wish she would stop.

I walked into my office and stressed my heart out about where Beyoncé could be. Considering Carol's frightening past, I had every idea that my mother had something to do with her disappearance.

My mother hated the idea of me dating people who had a lower social class than the family. The fact that Beyoncé was not only a sheriff, she was a woman too. My mother despised that. From a young age, she had driven the idea that homosexuality was not accepted and would be condemned. So I never expressed my interest in men to anyone. I was shameful.

I tapped my pen anxiously against my wooden desk. I was going to call my mother, but I knew I wouldn't get anywhere with her. She'd lie through those fake teeth of hers.

I wanted to reach out to Lauren, but she was not happy with me at all. She hadn't spoken to me and would ignore my presence any time I was around. i missed her, she's my best friend. my sister. I wanted her to at least give me the chance to explain, but she was just as stubborn as I was.

even Zion was upset with me. he had grown a liking to miss knowles, and i've torn that happiness away from him. To see my son be so depressed crushed me beyond measures.

i regret letting my mother get in my head.

i distracted myself with paperwork the rest of the day, until it was time to pick up my son. like he's done the past week, he didn't say a word to me. every time, it crushed my heart. i tried to make small talk, but never got any responses. just head nods and shrugs. I sighed.

"Zion, baby, please say something!" I begged him. He looked at me, anger written all over his handsome face. "You let Grandma take her away from me! For someone who hates their mother so much, you sure do bitch out whenever she's around! You talk about how you won't let her bother us again, and here she is! Grow some skin, Mom, and find Beyonce! I don't want to talk to you until she is back!" He snapped at me.

I usually wouldn't let him speak to me that way, but he was letting off much needed steam. Plus, he was right. I needed to grow some skin. Hearing it from my pride and joy gave me a needed push.

we arrived home, and he dashed inside. i slugged around my bedroom, trying to tidy things up. it had been an absolute wreck. i knew i was really out of it, my bedroom always stayed cleaned. i heard a car beep from being locked outside of my home. i furrowed my brows. i peered out of my curtains. it was kenneth, but i wasn't sure why he was here.

i went downstairs quickly. it was like zion and i were on the same page because he, too, was coming down the stairs.

he opened the door right before he could knock.

"you're here?.." i said softly.

he nodded. "just here to see the kid. i guess you too. he asked me to help find miss knowles. i may have a few leads, but not much."

The conservation with Petty was damn near useless. But, it did give my son some hope so maybe he'd act better. I knew that Ken knew nothing of Knowles' disappearance. The clues he did share couldn't be pinned on anyone. They were too sporadic.

Once he left, I went upstairs to my bedroom. I laid back in my bed and grunted loudly. I hated this.

I prepared a small finger for Zion then went back to bed. The next morning I dreaded the day already. I wasn't expecting today to be good. At all.