THE LETTER

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

KADENCE PETROV

 I pulled up in front of the Lily’s house. It was fairly large, and beautiful. Her mother was a successful real-estate broker, so Lily never had a problem with money. I had dressed in a simple black dress with short sleeves and an open back with a pair of black suede Jeffrey Campbell platforms. They were my favorite shoes, and I wanted to feel good tonight. I sat in my car, finishing my cigarette. The cross, still wrapped around my arm, shined under the moonlight. I looked at it weakly, contemplating things in my head. Finally, I finished my cigarette, took a few hits from my cross, and got out of the car, taking a deep breath and preparing myself for the fun I hoped this night would bring.  

- - -

I downed another shot as everyone cheered. I was sitting on top of the bar in Lily’s living room, getting toasts from my closest friends. Alan had just went and talked briefly about how we had been close since middle school. It was Lily’s turn. Everyone poured themselves another shot, and held it in the air, awaiting the end of Lily’s speech so they could suck them down.

“Kade, we’ve been best friends for a really, really long time. You’ve been there for me the whole time, and I love you more than anyone in the world!” she shouted, as everyone cheered. Alan screamed, “Hey! What am I, a piece of meat?”

Everyone broke out in uneven laughter, and Lily just winked at Alan before shouting “Slancha!” and downing her shot with the rest of the party. I had the shot glass at my lips, when the front door opened and Carter strolled in. He looked good, very good, and I hated him for it. I felt myself burning with rage as I downed the shot and proceeded to pour another. I knew I’d do a lot of things tonight that I’d regret. I looked back at Carter, studying what he was wearing. A navy blue button down and jeans. How could he make the simplest of things look so good? It boggled my mind, really. He caught my eye, but I turned away coldly, not acknowledging him much. I could feel his ghastly stare on me, but I ignored it. I wouldn’t let him ruin my night.

CARTER WHITE

People were crashing into the pool one by one, with waves of laughter and splashes so loud I could hear them from inside the house. I thought about getting in, but I knew I wouldn’t enjoy myself. Some girl was talking to me, and I just kept nodding, keeping an eye out for Kade while sipping my beer. I finally spotted her across the room, in a cloud of smoke as people walked up to her, said happy birthday and all that bullshit, and walked away. She took another pull from her cigarette, letting the smoke pour from her mouth with such beauty I thought I’d die right then and there. Then, another guy walked up to her. He looked like a decent kid, I guess. Kind of short, though. He kissed Kade on the cheek, said something I couldn’t hear over the loud music, and slipped something into her hand. She looked down at her hand, and that’s when I noticed the cross. It was still there, and I wondered if she’d suddenly become religious. I raked my eyes over her legs, which looked as soft as ever. She turned and stalked off in another direction. As soon as my eyes caught her bare back, I was following her, chasing her in an unknown direction. My mind was cloudy, my head uneven. Smoke sifted in the air around me as I walked through the crowd, my eyes on Kadence’s bare back. I felt someone pull on my arm, but I ignored it and kept walking. The hallway was getting narrow and there was couple making out on the wall. I passed them, continuing down the hall. Kadence walked into the bathroom and closed the door. I stood in front of the door, suddenly a bit out of breath. I stood at the door, listening, but heard nothing. I felt strange, like I was stalking her. She didn’t want me anyways. What did I have to offer her that any other guy couldn't? I rubbed my temples. I needed a drink, badly. 

The door opened and my eyes met Kade’s. She didn’t look surprised but almost relieved. The emotion left her face all too quickly, and she slumped against the door frame in annoyance. 

“What is it, Carter?” 

I didn’t answer all too quickly, glancing down at her hand, seeing it empty except for the cross wrapped around her forearm. 

“What did that guy give you?” I questioned.

She looked angry now. “None of your goddamn business,” she said briskly before attempting to get past me. I blocked her way, and now she was a step closer to me now. I pushed her into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

“What the fuck are you doing, Carter?” she said through her teeth. She crossed her arms and glared at me. 

“What did he give you?” I said, taking a step closer. 

“Ecstasy,” she said plainly.

“Oh,” I said simply. Of course it had been drugs, what the fuck else could it have been?

“Did you take it? You can’t, Kade, you’ve been drinking”

“So what, it’s not big deal,” she said as she tried to make a break for the door. I caught her arm in my hand, clutching the cross as well. 

“When did you get religious?” She glared harder, attempting to rip her arm from my forceful grasp. “Let go of me,” she whispered in rage. I leaned in closer, “No.”

“God dammit Carter, just let me go. You’re ruing my fun. It’s my birthday.” I let her go. “Just tell me what it is, please. I worry about you.” She grinned. 

“Were you worrying about me when you were fucking Clarissa? I’m sure I didn’t cross your mind while you were ramming your dick up her ass,” she said though clenched teeth. 

“Kade, let me talk, please.” I began to get really frustrated. I knew I had done wrong, but couldn’t she just forgive me already? I could feel the rage pumping in my veins. Suddenly the music go louder, and I could hear my own heartbeat. My palms were sweaty, my head pounding. 

“Please,” I whispered hoarsely. I felt as if I would break down in this moment. Kadence took notice and looked at me sympathetically for a moment, as if she truly cared about my well-being. She put a hand on my shoulder. I took it into mine and brought it to my face. I rubbed my nose into the palm of her hand, inhaling her familiar scent, kissing the palm of her hand lightly.

“I love you, I know I’ve done wrong but I love you,” I said pleadingly. She pulled her hand out of my grasp. 

“I know, but I can’t deal with this tonight. I have too much on my mind, and I just can’t handle this,” she said before walking out of the bathroom, and into the cloud of smoke that seemed to follow her everywhere, hovering like a ghost.