Compilations of Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness

The Doctor

I have become quite skilled
At convincing others
I am alright.
I can convince them I am moved on.
It never really hurt.
It was for the best.
It was never meant to be.
They believe me.
But it's immensely different
To lie to myself.
So to tell the truth
I feel so awfully lonely
And the only name
That comes from my lips
Is his.
And when another grabbed my hand
My only thought
Was that it didn't fit with mine
Like his did.
In dreams
He and I meet
And we talk and laugh
And partake in
Warm conversations
That only last until I wake.
It makes me realize
That the sheets of a bed
Are so much colder
When you are despairing.
There is no more heat in me
For these sheets to reflect back.
There's a drawing on my wall
Of two best friends.
Two lovers, they were.
Rose Tyler and the Doctor.
And he and I used to say
That I was Rose
And he the magical Doctor.
I used to think that one day,
He would fly me away from this place.
But just like Rose and her Doctor,
I am now separated from him
And he from me.
Every time I see that drawing
These thoughts rush through
My mind.
I'm finding it nauseating
And I can't breathe.
There's a sign on my bedroom door
Made for my birthday
With words from my family
About why they love me.
And at the bottom
There is a note from My Doctor.
Can I call him that still?
I think here I might.
He wrote on that sign,
"You are one of the greatest Companions ever."
And that, too, makes me feel Claustrophobic.
And on my cork board,
The one I keep my memories on,
Are so many memories.
There is a birthday card
With a heart in it.
There is a ticket to a dance.
There is a valentine
That made me laugh
More than ever.
There is a corsage,
Still beautiful even though it has died.
And next to this board is a picture.
He and I are dressed
To the nines.
We are a beautiful pair.
We were.
I must remind myself of reality now.
This is all past tense.
The past grows more infinite
As the future becomes less so.
He is my past.
My future is unknown.
That is the loneliest
Thought of all.