Trust Issues

Chapter 9

Nightmares haunt my restless sleep, filled with sorrow, grief, and anger. I'm back in front of Aegrem's palace, but this time, only one mermaid is with me. Waverly's eyes widen as she stares at me, grief, shock, and disbelief written on her face. "Faye?" Her voice is halting, like she can't quite believe what she's seeing.

I turn to face her, the emotions on my face identical to hers. Despite myself, tears are streaming down my face before I can stifle them. "Please, Waverly."

I take a cautious stroke toward her, my hands outstretched in front of me. "Y-you don't understand. I didn't have a choice. You have to believe me. I did it to save you. Zander was going to kill you." My voice breaks on the last word as tears blur my vision.

Waverly shakes her head, eyes red and filled with tears that are dangerously close to spilling over. Hands clenched into fists at her sides, breathing fast and unevenly, she takes a shaky breath, exhaling slowly. "You're right, Faye. I don't understand. I don't know how my oldest friend could be capable of something like this. I don't know how she could ever think aligning herself with someone like... him would benefit her."

The way she intentionally avoids using Zander's name yet still fills every syllable with shock, hurt, and disbelief pierces sharper than any dagger ever could. It's the first time in our friendship that she's been truly angry with me. Waverly's one of the kindest mermaids I know. I take a cautious stroke towards her, guilt and shame twisting my stomach.

"I-I'm sorry. Truly. But Zander had somehow gotten hold of the Lost Soul Pendant and was using it to—" I break off at the expression on her face, the shame in her eyes. My heart stops dead in my chest, fear choking me as I read the unspoken words in her eyes. She shakes her head again, regret shining amid the tears in her eyes.

"The worst part is, initially, I was going to forgive you. I was willing to overlook the horrendous thing you'd done because you were my friend, and that's what friends do. But you know what, Faye? I don't forgive you. I don't trust you. Not anymore." Her voice breaks on the last word, but she turns away before the tears finally spill down her cheeks.

Only specific phrases sink in, piercing my heart with the force of a dozen daggers. I don't trust you. I was going to forgive you at first. You were my friend.

I jerked awake with a cry, sobs wracking my body, and tears blurring my vision. Loud, heartbreaking cries burst from my lips as shame and regret took root inside me. Even though I knew it had only been a nightmare, it had felt so undeniably real. The bitterness in Waverly's words, the shock, grief, and disbelief on her face—it would have hurt less if she'd slapped me.

When I heard the sudden intake of breath beside the bed, I clutched the blankets tighter as I turned my head. Jonah was awake, staring at me with wide eyes. "Are you okay?" He asked softly, his voice barely more than a whisper.

All of a sudden, claustrophobia seized me, thick and suffocating. I could feel the water leaving my lungs as that familiar panic latched onto me again. Jonah didn't reach for me, but I could feel his gaze as I rose from the bed. "Faye, please. Talk to me." The worry in his voice struck true—I found myself opening my mouth, inhaling as if to speak.

But each time the words formed on my tongue, I thought of Zander using Waverly as leverage to force me out. Angry, bitter tears formed in my eyes as a knot of anger, bitterness, grief, shame, and depression coalesced in my stomach. Before I could utter a sound, I was moving, grabbing my cloak from where I'd slung it over a chair and wrapping it around myself protectively as if it could protect me from memory so effectively shredding into me.

I exited the suite in seconds, speeding through the palace until I reached the entryway. Like before, I could feel the curious and concerned glances thrown my way, but I ignored them as best I could. I held in the scream building inside me, clenching my teeth so hard they chattered. The second I emerged into the open water, I snapped. "Why are you doing this to me?" I screamed, my throat burning from unshed tears. "What have I done to deserve this?"

My exclamation was met with silence, filling me with relief and sorrow. On the one hand, I was immensely grateful no one was around to witness my breakdown; on the other hand, I so badly wished I could tell someone what was happening. But fear of Zander somehow finding out and using it against me kept the words inside me.

I swam with no destination in mind, wishing I could outswim the hollowness that had taken root inside me. I pushed myself to the limit until my lungs were nearly bursting and my arms trembling with exertion. When I finally stopped, I realized I was approaching Beltmare's entrance. Suddenly, I felt all the energy leave my body in a rush. It was all I could do to remember to keep breathing. I took all of a single stroke before faltering.

A heartbeat before I slammed face-first into the seafloor, I felt hands on me. "Faye?" When I didn't respond, I heard a heavy sigh—the sound filled with concern and worry. That's when the tears began.

They started silently at first—trickling down my cheeks, the calm before the storm—then grew into full-on, wracking sobs. The worst part of it all? It wasn't even Zander I was crying about. No. I was angry, heartbroken, and—perhaps the worst of all—ashamed. I was ashamed of myself for letting Zander manipulate me like that.

Even though I'd have done it anyway to protect Waverly, the fact it had even happened—that I'd let Zander get that far—sickened me far more than his touch ever could. I didn't realize I was shivering until I felt a steady arm wrap around my shoulder, holding me upright. "Oh, sweetie," the voice said as recognition finally set in.

Aunt Izzy. I buried my face into my aunt's shoulder as the sobs slowly morphed into hiccuping whimpers. "I-'m s-o h-umiliated." I couldn't bear letting my aunt know the actual truth. Even though I knew there was nothing I could do or say that would possibly make them love me less, I couldn't do it.

Before I could so much as open my mouth again, we were moving. My body spent, I slumped in my aunt's grip, her steady hands holding me upright. Only when we reached the entrance to Beltmare's palace did I finally take a deep breath. I heard movement, then another voice, low and concerned. "Izzy?" Then, "Faye? What happened, honey?"

Uncle Kai gently wrapped my arm around his shoulder, effortlessly taking my weight. As we swam to their suite, I heard snippets of their conversation, all the while fighting off the fatigue that was slowly creeping up on me. "I'm worried about her, Kai. I've never seen her like this. You should have seen her."

Another heavy sigh, the sound weighed down by concern and worry. Then he spoke. "When she feels up to it, we need to figure out what she knows about the replica of the Lost Soul Pendant and how it ties into everything. Zander killing Sirens, right when the pendant reappears? I don't trust him."

There was an undercurrent of anger in his voice, which had me suppressing a shudder. I felt my eyelids grow heavier as exhaustion dragged me down deeper. For the first time in a while, I let it, hoping the oblivion would ease the heaviness inside me.

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