Trust Issues

Chapter 8

The next time I opened my eyes, it was to bright sunlight shining down on the water and familiar surroundings. Sometime during the night, someone (most likely Mom) transferred me from the bathing room floor to our bed. I still felt tense but also stiff and sore as well. I took a shaky breath, exhaling slowly.

I knew I would never be able to get the sensual look in Zander's eyes out of my head. I swore I could still feel his hands as he'd bound my own with rope, still feel his touch as he'd stroked a hand down my cheek. The only thing that kept me from screaming as I recalled his touch was reminding myself that I'd done it to keep Waverly safe. My head was still foggy, but I no longer had a haze hanging over me.

The blanket in the chair by the side of our bed indicated that Jonah had slept there the night before. I couldn't stop the shudder that zipped down my spine. Despite knowing full well that none of the mermen in our family would even think of harming me, I couldn't get rid of that uneasiness whenever I recalled what Zander had done.

When the knock sounded on our suite door, my heartbeat sped up as I clutched the blanket tighter around myself. I didn't blink until I heard a gentle voice on the other side of the door. "Faye? Sweetheart, it's me."

Mom. The more deep breaths I took, the slower my heartbeat became. Slowly, I unclenched my fists from where they were white-knuckled on the blanket. "Come in," I called out, my voice barely a whisper. At first, I was afraid she wouldn't be able to hear me. Then I saw the handle turn as she opened the door.

She halted just inside the suite, her eyes wide. "Jonah was worried sick when he woke up and couldn't find you."

I wasn't sure what triggered it—maybe it was the tone of her voice, the expression on her face, or the mention of Jonah. Whatever it was, tears were sliding down my cheeks before she even finished speaking. It started as soft sniffles and eventually morphed into uncontrollable sobbing. She put a hand over her heart as her eyes filled. 

I wasn't exactly sure why I was crying. Maybe it was misplaced guilt for allowing Zander to take advantage of me, much like he'd done with Waverly. But I couldn't stop. A dam had broken inside me—one I'd kept stopped up since it happened. Everything—guilt, shame, regret, anger, fear, doubt—came back in full force.

I heard Mom swim towards me, halting in front of the bed. "I'm so sorry, honey. I'm here. I'm here with you, sweetheart. I love you so much." Sobs choked her words, and soon, she was crying as well.

I wanted so badly to voice what had happened to me—if only to get it off my chest and out in the open. But every time I tried to form the words, I saw the faces of those unsuspecting mermaids. They didn't deserve what happened to them—what I had done. The fact that I was responsible for such a heinous act was almost worse than the act itself.

I shivered, wrapping the blanket tighter around myself. "I-t h-appened s-o f-ast. I didn't have a choice. He said he would kill them if I didn't... If I didn't..." Squeezing my eyes shut as I trailed off, I blew out a heavy breath.

Mom never pressed me. "Take your time, sweetie. It's okay." The concern in her eyes was stark, as was the worry edged beside it. She squeezed my hand, drawing a choked sob from my throat.

Steeling myself, I took another deep breath, and everything spilled out. My voice wavered as I described what Zander had done, but it didn't break. My hands clenched into fists as tears spilled down my cheeks. Fresh shame and guilt rushed through me as my cheeks burned.

When Mom spoke, her voice was steady despite the tears in her eyes. "Faye. Look at me." My chest hitched as I met her gaze and saw the tears glittering in her eyes. "You did nothing wrong. You were forced into an impossible situation, and you made the best decision possible under horrible circumstances. It may not seem like it now, but I promise someday—whether tomorrow or years in the future—it will get better."