Dear, EX

Freen's Feeling

FREEN's POV

1 week after our last conversation and the break up, I am here breaking all the promises that we once promised to each other maybe for the satisfaction of my heart. But, we are not together anymore.

Why not? 

No one knows how I cried every fucking night. The pain, the breakdowns just wont let me be free or happy. I skip meal almost everyday. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. Its just.. feel so heavy to carry.

Why is she being so unfair?

What did I do?

All that I do is to make her happy.

Why?

I asked myself over and over again

Flashback my conversation with my mom that night: 

My mom knocking my room door...

Mom: Honey, its me. Can we talk?

Freen: Come in, mom

By the time my mom open the door...

As soon as I saw my mother.. my tears continued to flow non-stop..

She witnessed how bad my condition at that moment

Mom: Oh god honey. What are you doing to yourself? look at you, why torture yourselves? I'm still here, I'm still alive and so is your father. Get up, honey. Please..

At that time my mother also started crying and hugged me tightly

Freen: M..om... Mo..m. I'm so weak, I'm not strong. Why does this have to happen to me mom, it hurts so much mom..

Mom: Honey, try to think positive about it. She wanted to study abroad which is good idea, Honey. Don't you want the best for her? Her future? You two can still be together even if you are apart, separation should not be an option, honey.

Freen: No mom. I don't think so. She never told me about it, she never cared about my feelings even I was never in her future plans, mom. I never been included. I am very disappointed on her, mom.

The pain still there. Still fresh..

Mom: I understand. If that so, why hurt yourself? isn't it time for you to wake up? show her what you can do, stand up, help your father with his company affairs. Rise up, show the world who you are. You are not weak, you are hurt, okay. But don't neglect yourself. prove that you are not as weak as they all think.