Shatter Me

[6] Over Protective

As I pondered over what I had said to Jason, I realized that something needed to change.

I was so over protective of myself and it only left me stressed and alone. People around me weren't nearly as protective as I was, and they were fine. So maybe opening up a little bit wouldn't hurt. Maybe it would actually be good for me. And it seemed like Jason would be the best person to practice that on. Because he was the only one who had cared to talk to me. He was the only one who had cared to study with me. And he seemed like he truly cared about me. Of course I wasn't ready to give my heart and trust to him...but I was going to try and open up at least a little bit to him. Because if I was going to keep on feeling this way when I stayed the same...then something definitely needed to change.

A bit of time passed and something did change.

It started when I walked up to him on Monday at collage. Something I never would have done before. But little did I know that that was just the first of things that would change in me.

"Look," I said to Jason. "I-I'm sorry for the way I acted on Saturday...I didn't mean to go off at you. And...I hope you will still study with me."

He smiled. "Don't mention it. I shouldn't have intruded on your personal business. It was rude of me, and I should be the one saying I'm sorry. And if you still want me to be your studying partner, then of course I will."

I looked down shyly. "I..I would like it you would."

I was sorta relieved that he wasn't mad at me. I was so intrigued by him and he made me feel that unexplainable feeling when he was around me. It was so weird but it felt good.

I was slowly starting to get more comfortable around Jason. I didn't open up to him much though and we didn't talk about personal things. I think that after he asked about my parents, he knew that I didn't want to get personal. And so he didn't ask me personal questions. He was respecting me. I...liked that.

 The next day, we met up at the same place we had for the past three weeks now. But Jason thought that today we should study outside.

"But why?" I asked him.

"Because it's such beautiful weather outside today. We can't just waste such a beautiful day by being stuck inside. We should enjoy the sunshine."

We took our books outside and he was right. It was gorgeous outside. We sat down in the grass near the building and put our books down between us. I leaned back on my hands and looked around. There was a soft breeze, despite the sunshine. The waterfall in front of the building was sparkling. The grass below was swaying in the wind and it was ever so green. There was hardly a cloud in the sky. Jason was right. It was a beautiful day.

After a minute of looking around, I found myself smiling at the beauty around me. Jason's eyes met mine. He saw me smiling. And for a minute, he just looked at me. But the way he looked at me. It was so...different from the way that I had ever seen anyone else look at me. He smiled. I couldn't grasp the right word of which to explain the way he looked at me. I couldn't really tell. I was thinking maybe it was a look of...fondness? But no...why would anyone be fond of me? Who was I to be cared for? Or cared about? After all the things I had done in the past...I wasn't worth him being fond of me.

I let my smile fade away, embarrassment showing on my face. "Sorry," I said. "We can, uh, start now."

We began.

***

"You know that new movie coming out? Um, 'Hope at Dawn'?" Jason asked, after about half an hour.

"Yeah..." I said slowly, recalling the movie that everyone at school was talking about. It was at the top of everyone's to-do list to go see the movie on the premier night.

"Well, a bunch of the guys and girls at collage are going to go see it, on Saturday, as a group. A few of them are bringing their dates... but most of them are just bringing friends. And...I was wondering if...maybe you'd like to go?"

His question caught me completely off guard. Was he asking me on...a date?