Chapter Twelve

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Kat Claire:
After getting out of the car another silence hits, the awkward silence of 'you just touched me very sexually and I crave more, but I am terrified of you to ask for more.'
James wanted me out of the car so he could take my place, and drive us both safely to whatever place he has in mind.
The tension rises with seconds, I try not to look at him, but it's almost impossible. It's like there is a model sitting next to me, in my own car. Am I dreaming? God pinch me awake if I'm dreaming.
I can barely breathe when this man is near me, where James is breathing, there is not enough oxygen for me to also breathe freely.
"Keep looking at me like that princess."
"Like what?" With flushed cheeks, I turn away, but I'm pretty sure he has already seen how red I am.
"Where are you even taking us?" I ask when I receive no answer. To this question, I don't want an answer either, I want to be surprised by something.
Maybe a restaurant;
Maybe a café;
Maybe his house.
"You'll see." The answer gives me a large grin on my face, one that I try to hide by turning away more.

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"We're here." A faint voice tells me, close to my ear. Slowly my eyes open, meeting the light of the sun, it's not the usual bright lighting, it's darker, more like orange sunset.
How long was I asleep for? I can't remember being so exhausted.
"Where are we?" The tone in my voice sounds cranky, still quite sleep drunk.
"Montauk." The name of the place doesn't seem familiar to me.
Instead of looking out of the window I grab my phone and google it.
It's still in New York, but quite a distance from where I live.
Why would he take me all the way here?
My thoughts get washed away when I finally do look out of the window. There is water as far as I can see. Water that is covered with a shiny layer, the reflection of the beautiful orange sunset.
This is by far the most beautiful place I have ever been through my whole entire life, and I never knew about it.
There is not a single person walking around here, as if it's just me and James on the world right now.
"I'm guessing by your reaction you like it?" My jaw is almost hanging on the floor and my eyes glisten, it's almost like I can see right up into heaven. I wish I actually could, and tell them, their loved ones on the earth are missing them a ton. That Hazel misses her parents a ton.
James's hand reaches out for mine, I take it and he helps me on my own feet. I struggle a lot after a long car ride and sleeping for forever. He steadies me by my waist. His arms around my waist make my heart skip a beat. The cloud seems to hug me, like I want James to hug me.
I turn to face him, his hands don't lower from my waist, giving me the perfect opportunity to put my hands around his neck and kiss him. So I lift my hands up to wrap around his neck, when he steps back. Instantly my cheeks flush red.
Am I seeing signs of flirting while there are none?
"Follow me." He says, so I do, without hesitation.

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The walk toward the place he wants to take me is farther than I expected, when we arrive 15 minutes later my feet hurt from walking.
We are on a jetty, his legs dangling over the edge, mine drawn to my chest. The sunset is still there in pieces, slowly disappearing into nothing, but we are enjoying it while it lasts.
There has to be a reason why we're here. Is my dominant thought.
"Why didn't you call me back all weekend?" I suddenly ask, ruining every bit of this peaceful mood there was between us, and replacing it with tension.
"I was... Busy."
"Busy doing what?"
"Just doing work."
"What work?" James rolls his eyes at my curiosity about his personal life, that certainly wasn't the thing he wanted to talk about tonight. "Liam didn't call either, you know something about that?"
For a split second his mask drops, revealing a more shocked expression, before he sucks in a deep breath, and the cold person he has always been is back.
"That guy didn't deserve you anyway."
"Funny you say that James." He sucks in a rush of air as I say his name. "You both disappeared at the same time and now you're telling me he didn't deserve me." We both stare off in the sunset, not looking at each other when we speak. It's more peaceful, it relieves some tension. "Do you have anything to do with this?"
He turns and looks me straight in the eye, before demanding me to do the same. "Look at me." He says, a dark undertone in his voice.
I shake my head, even if I wanted to, I won't be able to look into his deep brown eyes. Not in this setting, not a single person around us, his eyes lit up by the beautiful orange lighting. Oh God, I am looking. My heart skips a whole song now.
"Do you?" I ask again, but the silence gives me an answer already, no more need for words.
"Yes,"
"What did you do?"
Crazy how one moment I can be lost in his eyes and the next, I'll be scared for my life. The eyes of the devil.
"Liam won't be a problem to you anymore."
"He never was a problem to me anyway, I enjoyed my night out with him. He was so sweet, a real gentleman, and above all, my sister adored him. What will I tell her? Liam will never come back because I don't know where he is."
"Gone." James a deep breath. "Liam is gone."
"Gone where?" By the second I'm starting to get more irritated.
He looks up at the sky, the beautiful sky, higher than anything, higher than heaven. Heaven... The realization hits.
"Oh my God," my hand forms its way around my mouth. "is he dead?" Tears pop from my eyes. I may not have known Liam for too long, but if he is actually dead I will cry my heart out.
"Yes." The short answers he gives me, confuse and hurt me even more.
Before I know it, tears are falling like waterfalls.
"H-how, how is that possible, he was so young, did you guys get into an accident? Was he sick? What..." Panic rushes over to me and settles in my bones, the tears run faster than I can cry. "What happened? Are you all right?"
There is a slight pain visible in his eyes, which almost seems unbelievable. Most people wouldn't believe me if I retell this moment, they don't believe he feels anything, I'm not sure I did either, until now. He feels, and right now he feels pain.
"I killed him."
It takes longer than expected to hit me.
I stand up, as does he, I take three huge steps back, as does he.
"You killed him?" I take another 3 large steps back, when he wants to step forward again, I hold out my hands. He seems to listen to my little sign.
My heart starts to raise in my throat again and I'm starting to feel sick. In front of me is a murderer, a person who killed another person. The boy I kissed is a killer, my teacher is a killer.
How can this all be happening.
The tears don't stop falling, not for a second. Instead, they come faster and faster until I'm out of breath. I'm trying my breath to suck in more air, but it leaves my lungs faster than it comes in.
I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe.
I collapse to the wooden floor beneath me, my knees hurting from the impact. My hands curl around my shoulder, holding my own body tightly, which presses even more air out of my lungs.
And when I think I'm going to pass out completely, I feel two warm arms catching me, before any body part can hit the floor.
James is kneeling next to me, holding my head to his chest, wrapping his arm around me, stroking me softly. The worst part is, it comforts me, it allows air to move through my lungs slowly again.
"Why... Why... Why? Why would you do such a thing?"
"Kat, please just breathe with me."
"I need to know why!" I rip myself away from his hold to stare him in the eyes. My eyes drowning in betrayal.
The sky around us doesn't seem as orange and beautiful anymore, it all faded away when he said the words 'I killed him.'
"He touched you in ways I want to see no one touch you."
"You killed him because he touched me?"
James stays quiet for a heartbeat, he doesn't even need to say it, the answer is yes.
"Yes." He says anyway, running his hand through his dark hair, he seems more than stressed, even a little scared... Of losing me.
"Oh my God..."
Deep breaths come in and out of my lungs, but it's not enough, not enough air is able to fill my lungs.
It's all too much.
I'm staring right at a murderer, and I'm in love with him.


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