Against All Odds ~ Miguel O'Hara X Reader

8 - Mistake

"It was a mistake."

Those four words would not abandon your mind, no matter how hard you tried. The morning after that night, when it seemed like Miguel couldn't get enough of you, he asked to see you. You figured it was just to hang out like you were doing the past three weeks... or maybe even to kiss again. But you were wrong. He wouldn't even face you when you landed on his platform. 

"I-Is something wrong?" You mentally slapped yourself for stammering. When he dropped you off at your apartment, he looked like he didn't want to leave, and now it was like he wanted nothing to do with you.

He kept his body firmly placed with his back facing you, but turned his head to address you over his shoulder, "I'm sorry about yesterday. It was a mistake."

Your heart ached and suddenly your knees felt weak. How could a feeling so horrible stem from something so wonderful?

"What do you mean? I thought we were doing good," you tried to understand, but no reason he could give would make it hurt any less.

He lowered his head; at least he wasn't enjoying this either. "I've been losing focus. My main priority has to be the arachno-humanoid-poly-multiverse." You still thought that name was stupid, but you knew this wasn't the time to bring it up. "Don't get me wrong. I like you. I do. But there's too much at stake."

You scoffed, "I know that, but we can handle it together! We're stronger that way, you know that."

"I know, but whenever I'm with you all I can think of is... I don't want to lose you. I can't," he paused, and you could hear the pain in his voice. "I can't go through it again."

"Miguel... you won't. I know the danger and I can protect myself," you placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to worry about me."

He finally turned to you, cupping your face with his hands. He rested his forehead on yours, and for a brief moment everything felt okay again. But you were so overcome by his embrace that you didn't notice the portal opening behind you. In a split second he had dropped his hands to your shoulders and pushed you through.

When you realized what was happening, it was too late. You found yourself in your room, dumbfounded. As you stood there feeling small, all you could think about was those four words he let go of so carelessly.

"It was a mistake."

~~~~

"What were you thinking?!" Lyla's voice was so loud Miguel had to cover his ears. "You were at 84%, Miguel! 84!" She waved her arms around exasperatedly. "Now you're back down to 63."

Once she was done yelling, he dropped his hands and shrugged, "Bummer."

She put one hand on her hip and pointed at him with the other like a disappointed mother, "Don't do that, don't pretend like you don't care! I know you too well."

He exhaled through his nose, losing patience, "Look, it doesn't matter how I feel. The Spider Society comes first."

"It can't be like this forever! You can't take it all on by yourself," Miguel tried avoiding her but she kept reappearing in front of him so he couldn't ignore her. "I know you don't want to lose her... but if you treat her like this, that's all you'll accomplish."

He leaned over his desk, gripping it with his claws, "Todo esto es tu culpa, Lyla. Si no fuera por tu estúpido algoritmo no estaría en esta posición. Tú siempre-"
(This is all your fault, Lyla. If it weren't for your stupid algorithm I wouldn't be in this position. You always-)

Lyla held up her hands in defeat, "Okay okay, I get it, jeez! I was just trying to help."

He sighed and loosened his grip on the desk. He started pacing back and forth, muttering to himself. Lyla didn't say anything as her eyes followed him. He finally stopped in front of her, "I'm sorry... You're right." Shaking his head, he slid a hand over his face. "I don't know what to do."

She patted his head with her tiny hand, "The Spider Society won't crumble if you don't spend every waking hour watching over it. I know it's hard to hear, but you deserve happiness, Miguel."

He offered her a weak smile, "Thank you, Lyla. You're a good friend."

"It's almost like you programmed me this way!" She joked sarcastically, and then immediately got serious, "Now go apologize."

~~~~

You walked in circles around your room. You argued with yourself, all of a sudden coming up with a million responses that you couldn't think of in the moment. After all the guilt you felt, after your conversation with your Aunt, after you had allowed the walls you built around yourself to go down, they were slowly beginning to rebuild.

The worst part of it all was that you understood his point of view. You lost someone, too, and you didn't want to lose him either. But you refused to believe the only option was to be apart. You could make it work, you knew you could. Why did he have to be so headstrong? Part of you loved that about him, but in moments like this you wished you could make him see that his way wasn't always the only way.

You couldn't take it anymore. If you didn't leave your room soon and found a distraction to stop your thoughts from spiraling, you were going to lose your mind. You opened the door quickly, ready to go as far away as possible. In your hurry though, you couldn't stop in time before bumping into someone's chest. You took a couple steps back and looked up to see Miguel. He had his head down with his hair covering his eyes. He couldn't bring them up to meet yours.

You had to stop yourself from apologizing for crashing into him. You reminded yourself that you were still mad at him, "Miguel, what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry," he whispered. You had never seen him let his guard down like this. All you wanted to do was hug him, but your voice of reason stopped you.

"I don't understand, you said-" He interrupted you before you could continue. He didn't want to relive your conversation.

"I know what I said and I'm still... I meant the part about not wanting to lose you," he finally raised his head to look into your eyes. "But it wasn't a mistake," you couldn't help but release a breath in relief. "You could never be a mistake."

"Okay, in that case I guess I forgive you," you said with a small smile. "But you can't just switch around on me like that," you shoved his shoulder playfully.

He nodded, "I know, I'm sorry." From the expression on his face, you knew he meant it. You couldn't figure out how he could go from menacing to adorable at the flip of a switch.

"Ugh stop doing that," you rolled your eyes and shifted your gaze to the floor to avoid looking at him.

"Doing what?" He asked genuinely. 

Apparently he was completely unaware of the effortless effect he had on you, so you had to explain, "Looking at me like that."

"Oh," he said in realization, and then got an idea. "Like what? Like this?" He pouted and gave you puppy dog eyes.

"Stop," you laughed and pushed his face away. "I can't stay mad at you."

He laughed too, and you could never get enough of that sound. You wished you could bottle it to listen to over and over again. "So um, we're good?" He asked in a more serious tone.

"We're good," you nodded. "But if we're gonna do this, we have to establish some things."

He suddenly got nervous, "Okay... shoot."

You went on to list some of your concerns, like how he had to trust that you could take care of yourself, and that the Spider Society couldn't always be his number one priority. Sometimes you would need his full attention, and you insisted that he had to prioritize his own health, too. He occasionally would open his mouth to argue, but you put a finger on his lips to silence him. Eventually he just nodded and promised to try his best.

"Okay, I just have one more thing, and this one's the most important so listen carefully," you got closer and he raised an eyebrow expectantly. "Dónde está la biblioteca?"

He shook his head and rolled his eyes, "Que tonta eres," (You are so dumb) but then he grinned and had to restrain a laugh. "I know you know more Spanish than that."

You poked his face, "Yeah, but how else would I get you to smile like that?"

He positioned his lips next to your ear and whispered, "I can think of another way." Then you felt the floor disappear from under your feet as he picked you up and carried you to his room.