Dancing Confidence (A Jesy Nelson Fanfic)

Chapter Two

I felt how the sweat was dripping from my face, I’ve now been practicing for almost three hours. I couldn’t hear the song I was dancing to anymore, if I would hear it again I swear I would start to vomit. The beat of the song was hurting my ears as it started to play again, I knew I wouldn’t complain because there were people who were also working off their bums for me. For a fat girl with no self-esteem, who just felt fat in every second of her life. “Jesy stop.” Caitlin called out. I turned around and stopped doing the routine. Her black bang was damp and stuck on her forehead, her I LOVE PINK top was also wet and she looked exhausted. “Just stop, this expression on your face. Just no.” She walked over to me after she wrapped the towel around her neck. “Don’t look in the mirror like that.” I knew what the she meant but I didn’t want to believe it. “Don’t look like you don’t love your body.” She shook her head. “Girls would love to have the curves you have. Just damn it, start loving your body.”

*The Night Before*

I stood there, looking at myself. Wanting to cut off the fat on my body, to feel better, to rip out my eyes, to not look at my body. I didn’t eat anymore, I did practice like a maniac, and I was drinking water like an elephant but still didn’t lose a pound. Should I start to cut myself? Would I feel better? Would hurting my body make me feel better about it? Would hurting myself make me feel better?

Questions like that were running through my head, questions about hurting me were running through my head. Five minutes, five minutes did I thought about it before my healthy mind came back and literally screamed at me to get sleep. I didn’t know any other way to feel me pretty, I did avoid food as good as possible, didn’t eat much almost nothing and if, then I thought about vomiting. I was scared of myself when I had those thoughts, I didn’t want to hurt me but I wanted to feel beautiful. And the only person that made me feel that way for a few minutes was Jordan.

Jordan, oh I didn’t update you did I? Well after he messaged me, I just turned off my phone. The next day I went out with my friend Lily before my dancing class. And there I met him again, because his mother owned the dancing school of course, I should have known I would meet him there. He tried to talk to me, and I died in the inside to hug him and tell him I was sorry but I just showed him the cold shoulder. He tried it over and over, and every time I brushed him off he looked hurt, and guilty was written all over his face. And I was feeling guilty for avoiding him, for hurting him, for making him feel this way but I just knew a clear cut would be the best. I had the feeling Diversity would win, and he would be wanted from a lot of girls. Even now girls were throwing themselves on him. But I was after all still his best friend, in a weird way.

*Back to the present*

“I…I..” I stuttered, before getting it out of my mouth. “I hate myself okay. I hate my body, I hate my legs, my face, my arms everything. And I don’t even know why I should get to this stupid audition because they anyway wouldn’t pick me just look at myself, you just see a fat girl with no style and no self-esteem.” I screamed the last part, Caitlin just looked at me before telling me the sentence I would never forget. “You know what? You are great, I just know you for what?  A few hours? I would turn lesbian for you, you can dance, and gosh your moves I would die to dance like you to. And stop complaining about your body just start to accept it. Now let’s dance.” She turned on the music and we danced, I wasn’t complaining after that about anything. Those words, hearing from her were like music in my ears. She was skinny, her hair was beautiful and I adored the way she danced, how could she ever tell me that she would love to dance like me?

After the exhausting dance lesson I got under the shower, the cold water was relaxing. I changed into some fresh clothes, and put on a beanie. I checked my phone again. Three missed texts from Jordan. Should I just read them? But before I could decide a low voice was calling for me. I put everything in my bag and turned on my heels to get out of the studio, my older brother Johnny was waiting for me. Actually I asked my sister Jade but she was busy with work. “Ah, my little sister was dancing. I still don’t get why you are doing it?” I shrugged and got into the car, playing with the item in my hands. It started buzzing just as he started driving. I felt his eyes on me, till he finally said. “Either you accept that call or I’ll throw your cell out of the car.” And I knew I couldn’t argue with him, after all he was my aggressive older brother so I picked up, hearing a relieved voice on the other side.

“Jesy please don’t end the call I just want to meet with you. Can I come to your house in two hours?” It was Jordan; I didn’t know what to say. As he catches it he started talking again, “Please Jes, I know I have to make up to you again. But let’s meet I want to explain everything to you. I understand that you are hurt and-“, I cut him off by saying he could come in two hours, and ended the call. In the corner of my eyes I saw how a smile made his way up to Johnny’s face.

I didn’t eat again this evening; I was just sitting with a water bottle in my room and waited for the usual rocks that were thrown on my window. And there were rocks a few minutes after I leaned back and closed my eyes, I ran down to open the front door and it revealed Jordan standing there gorgeous as always. He was just wearing simple jeans, a white shirt and a black jacket and even in the dark you could see how his eyes were sparkling as he started to talk about dancing and how happy he was that I agreed to the meeting.

A/N: Unedited and short but hay i didn't even plan do update till next week so yeah, votes/comments/fans are appreciated.

OH and i did dedicate it to Aurora cuz i love her and yeah, hihii 

Love, Reni