𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐍² , 𝗧𝗦𝗜𝗧𝗣.

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐤, 1

"so, this is way you haven't been answering my phone." jeremiah said but conrad's gaze doesn't move from me.

it finally goes to jeremiah. "jere. jere. did you not here what i just said? we're going to lose this house. mom's house."

"why would adam sell this house?" i asked.

"he's not." conrad answered, annoyedly. not looking at me. "our aunt julia is." he said.

"susannah's sister?" i asked.

"half sister. apparently, the house belonged to the both of them and then mom..." conrad said.

"and now aunt julia owns the whole thing, so." he said.

i already don't like this "aunt julia", she can't just sell this house. it's only susannah's house and always will be. there's a reason why there's only susannah's name on the house.

"okay, we'll just call dad and figure something out." jeremiah said, looking at me.

"you think i haven't already dont that?" conrad asked. "he says legally the house is hers." he said.

"okay, then he'll buy it." jeremiah said.

"he doesn't have the money to buy it." conrad said, getting frustrated.

"between brown and the medical bills and the-"

"yeah, i know how much the medical bills cost because i was there." jeremiah said, cutting conrad off.

"how long did you know about this and didn't tell me?" jeremiah asked.

"jere, this was happening so fast, i was gonna tell you after i'd taken care of it." conrad said and jeremiah chuckled, bitterly.

"and this is you taking care of it? going AWOL, ditching school, and not talking to us?"

"fuck school! i don't care!" conrad yelled, raising his arms.

"connie, you have to go back or you'll fail your class!" jeremiah exclaimed.

"how are you gonna become a doctor if you fail out of college, conrad?" i asked.

"you have no idea what you're talking about." conrad said, not looking at me. i look at conrad in disbelief and then at jeremiah who looks at conrad from me.

"seriously?" jeremiah asked.

"we went to brown to check on your ass. you know what? i didn't think you'd pull this shit again. but you don't give a shit about anyone but yourself." jeremiah said and then walked out. we stand in silence and he grips the rack, resting his eyes.

he won't even look at me.

"sorry if me being here is weird." i said, and he only tilts his head, not looking.

"so the-the house-"

"it's for sale. and jere doesn't even care" he said, looking at the painting on the wall, and tracing the frame.

it slightly warms my heart because atleast he talked.

"of course he cares. but he cares for you more." i said.

"after everything that happened... you go missing?" i asked.

"i mean, he thought something really bad happened to you. we both did." i said.

"i got a call two days ago. from liam. he was asking about a 'for sale' sign in our front yard. i thought it was a misunderstanding, so i drove straight here. i pulled the stupid sign out of the ground, and i threw it in the garbage. seeing that sign was like losing her all over again, and i didn't want that for jere. i am gonna use my trust as down payment for the house. talking to my mom mom's financial guys in the morning." he explained.

"oh." i just say because i don't know know what else to say.

"i didn't mean to worry anybody. i' handling things. you guys can go." he said.

he only wants me go. he wants me to leave him alone because i know he hates me.

"you're not the only one who cares about this house. if jere wants to stay here and help figure things out, that is his decision." i said, stepping closer.

"and you don't get to make it for him." i said and he finally looks at me but i walk out.

i look at the sea, after coming to the beach. it's the only thing that gives me peace. coming to cousins, after susannah's death makes me feel like she's everywhere. i feel like she's a mermaid in the sea watching me but i can't see her. or she's the cloud that is above me so far away, watching me and saying words on how i can go through this. how we can go through this.

the thought makes me smile, while looking at the sky.

the sky is pink and orange. i feel embraced in this sunset. not anything could ever win over the beauty of this sunset.

i close my eyes, feeling the soft wind embrace me and fly away, as i hear the waves.

i don't know whens that last place, i'll see this place. so i want to memorise it. tattoo it in my brain.

"the house feels different without her." i said as i sit next to jeremiah after watching him struggle with the bedsheets.

"i'm still so pissed at conrad. i mean, what is he even talking about this whole house thing?" he asked.

"i think it's for real." i said.

"shit." he whispered and laid down.

i softly chuckle, looking at him. "you're just gonna sleep on it like that, aren't you?" i asked.

"yep." he said.

"yeah." i whispered, i stand up about to walk away when he stops me.

"thanks for coming with me, by the way. i don't know what went down between you two but i'm glad i don't have to do this alone." he said.

"yeah, i know." i said, acting high and mighty, jokingly and he chuckled.

"but.. i-uh-i'm glad i came too." i said.

"good night." i whispered.

"good night." he said and i walked out of his bedroom. i grab some bedsheets and go to my own room.

back home, i sometimes forget that susannah isn't alive and when i get the realisation, i feel a stab in my chest and i feel like screaming.

but being here, the realisation of susannah not being alive is always towering upon me like a black cloud. yet i feel her everywhere.

i grab a bikini set, i left and wear it for my night swim. i jump in the pool, swimming through and i feel it like it's serotonin.

i continue swimming around then get my head out for air. i gasp when i see conrad, staring at me. he scared me.

"do you still pretend you're in the olympics?" he asked after we both quietly kept staring at me.

i want to chuckle but i feel too awkward.

"uh-no, no, not anymore." i said.

"when you swim. i don't think you'd notice the house is on fire. you're so into what you're doing."

i softly blush at his last sentence because he said that same thing to me while we were... yeah.

"it's like your someplace else." he said.

"that's what i like about it." i said and when he doesn't say anything else. i turn around and continue swimming.

when i go back up for air. he's gone.