𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐍² , 𝗧𝗦𝗜𝗧𝗣.

𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 1

i lay on the pool chair, sunbathing. it's just one of those days in summer, where absolutely everything feels calm and peaceful.

i lay peacefully in the pool chair almost sleeping. i softly flinch when i feel water droplets on me. i smile, opening my eyes already knowing it's conrad. i chuckle and try to cover my face.

he laughs.

"you're back." i chuckled.

"i'm back." he smiled. he leans down, tracing the rose pendant on my neck, and then leans in more to press a kiss on my lips when we get interrupted.

"we get it, you guys are in love." jeremiah said, standing next to belly.

"as if, you guys weren't making out five minutes ago." i sassed.

"don't listen to him. you two are perfect together." susannah said and we looked at her.

i look at conrad, smiling and he smiles back, leaning in and pressing a slow kiss on my lips. i sigh as he pulls away and then i jump awake.

i look around, sitting in my noisy class. because i wasn't at cousins. conrad and i weren't together, not anymore. and susannah was dead.

"you dropped this." ethan said. he was a boy in my class.

"thanks." i quietly said, and grab my book putting it on my desk.

he turns around after giving me a smile which i don't return. this past few months, i like sleeping rather than being awake. because everytime i sleep i dream of conrad, of susannah being alive, and being in cousins.

me and conrad, walk back to the summer house. hand in hand. he kept looking at me as if i'll disappear and it makes me laugh.

"this almost doesn't feel real." i said to him.

he presses a hand against the small of my back, pulling me close against his chest.

"how about now?" he asked and i chuckle as he kisses my lips again.

i pull away, a never-ending smile on my face. i turn around, my hand laced with his as we started walking.

"i can't stop smiling." i chuckled.

"you know, you have the prettiest smile i've ever seen." he compliments and i blush.

"your whole face just lights up and your cheeks glow." he said.

"i wanted to say that to you all summer." his smile falls.

"i wish you did." i say, as we continued walking.

"i'm sorry. i know, i hurt you alot this summer. ignoring you, ignoring your feelings. i was such an asshole to you.. after we.. you know." he said and i nodded.

"i just didn't wanted to trauma dump on you, you know." he said.

"i get it. i mean.. you were keeping this to yourself for so long. no one knew." i said.

"i'm sorry. i'm sorry."

"i get it. i get it."

"do you still wanna... be with me?" he asked.

"being with you is all i ever wanted." i said.

"that's great. then be with me." he said, grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers. i laugh as we continued to talk.

"everyone in our house knows that i have had a crush on you since like.. i was like 4 or something." i said.

"hey, wait, wait, wait, wait." he stops me.

"you have a crush on me?!" he asked, in an accusing tone.

"shut up!" i exclaimed, smiling, and slapping his chest. we walk inside the summer house hand in hand, whispering and tip toeing.

we see susannah in the room beside the kitchen and she smiles as she sees us. and seeing her smile makes me smile aswell. me and conrad remove our hands and continuing walking, slowly.

"early morning walk on the beach?" susannah asked, smiling.

"uh, yeah." i said and conrad chuckled.

"mhmm." susannah smirked, i look away from both of them, giggling.

"i knew it. i knew it." susannah smiled.

"it took him so long." i said, slapping his arm and walking to sit down next to susannah.

"it sure did. how many years?" susannah asked, looking at me after looking at conrad.

"11 years." me and susannah both say.

"yeah, okay, whatever." he said, sitting next to me on the couch.

we stay in silence, before i get up. "i'm gonna go.." i said, kissing susannah's cheek and hold conrad's hand.

i walk away and he lets go of my hand and i go to my bedroom.

"all right. enjoy your summer." the teacher said after the bell rang, and i packed my stuff.

usually, it always excited me. i was always so happy to leave this town and go to cousins. but after hearing the teacher, not a small smile etched my face.

i stand from my seat, slowly, and go to my locker, belly comes to my locker with taylor with other few girls behind them. she's a freshmen now.

"i signed up for the volleyball camp." belly said.

"that's nice." i smiled. "congratulations."

"maybe you should too. it's not so late." taylor said and i shake my head.

"high school is over, bitches!" steven yelled after whooping as he ran to us.

steven is going to college. i have a year more till i go. college is becoming a fear to me. steven is having a grad party, tonight.

"you are coming, right?" taylor asked me. just then my counselor starts yelling for me across the hallway.

"i gotta go." i said, tightly gripping my books as i walk past them feeling their eyes.

"your grades have taken a serious dive. i thought you were improving, you know, after your parents divorced. why-why are they dropping now?" the counselor asked.

"what's going on?" she asked.

"there was a... de..ath in the family." i said.

"oh, i'm so sorry to hear that but your grades have been dipping all year." she said.

i can't tell her that my boyfriend broke up with me too and that my second mother had died because she was suffering from cancer all year.

"have you thought about where you're going to apply next year?" she asked.

"i was thinking. yale. or harvard. or maybe any ivy. but as you said my grades have been dropping. i doubt i'll even go to a college." i said.

"but there's always pen state." i said.

"without any sports, you'll have to focus on less competitive schools. have you heard about finch?" she asked.

"yeah, a family friend, is going there in the fall." i said.

"great. maybe you can visit them and grab a tour."

i doubt it.

jeremiah and i don't talk anymore aswell. we had a fight. about something i don't want to talk about. he was my best friend. my only best friend in this whole world. and now he's just a family friend.

just like conrad.

both of them are just two family friend who's mother summer house i used to stay at since i was born.