𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐍² , 𝗧𝗦𝗜𝗧𝗣.

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭, 3

"yo, this is dope, i'm going viral on tiktok." steven said, as i chewed quietly on my food.

"is that a good thing?" dad asked.

"well, billions of people around the world watching my speech on a loop? yes, dad, that is a very good thing." steven said.

"you got viral for a speech. i can twerk and go viral twice." belly joked and i smiled.

"belly." mom warned.

"i gotta forward this to con and jere, man." steven said as the waiter comes.

"oh, i'm sorry, can i get a box for all of this?" steven asked. "yeah? thank you man."

we each grab a fortune cookie and i break mine.

"laugh long. loud and often." i read out and rolled my eyes.

"happiness is an activity." belly read out.

"um. okay." mom said and we laughed.

"okay well, 'everyone agrees you're the best.'" steven read out.

"it doesn't day that." belly said.

"it's so random." steven said.

"no." belly said. they have a banter which makes us smile

"i know we keep telling you. we're so proud of you. you're gonna have the time of your life in princeton" dad said. "right, laur?" he asked.

"yeah, i loved college. that's where i met susannah." mom said and we all become a little quiet.

"so, how are things going with your book?" dad asked mom.

"my publisher is hounding me to do this meet and greet event with booksellers. i said no." mom said.

"why?" dad asked.

"because it's not necessary." mom said and they both continued to stare at each other until steven knocked on the table.

"okay, well, it's time for me to go get ready for the party. mom mwah. dad mwah. thank you for lunch." steven said.

"we're gonna go with him." belly said and we stood up.

"lunch was good." i kiss dad's cheek and then mom's.

-

i get ready and do simple makeup. i think about the calls i used to have with conrad, when he was in college and how he'll teach me how to do my homework.

"remember, the best way to get over a man is to get under a new one." taylor said to me when i walked into the belly's room and belly was explaining how it hurts to think about jeremiah.

"i can't believe i have to teach this to you." taylor said to me, walking closer.

"you were literally my role model when i was a kid." she grabs my hands and i chuckled.

"so belly, lighten the fuck up, because you have rose as your sister. the ultimate slut." taylor said, putting an arm around my shoulders.

"nah, i have retired from my hoe phase." i said, walking to belly and fixing her hair.

"oh noooo." taylor said.

"my best friend and role model are getting boring." taylor rolled her eyes and i smiled.

-

we reach the party, and i don't socialise but just stay with steven and belly. we awkwardly stare at each other when taylor's boyfriend picks her up and kisses her.

i only drink a beer, leaning against the wall, watching everyone. keeping an eye on belly and taylor. they're just 16 but i'm still protective.

i walk away to a lonelier place and i start to think about my calls with conrad again. he used to fill me up in all the college drama as i would tell him my high school drama.

he had told me how his dad had cheated on susannah. and it broke my heart. because conrad knew all along and never told anyone. he couldn't.

"she was crying so much. and i had never heard her cry like that, rose."

"it's exhausting. i'm exhausted, rose, i wish i was with you."

i get up and walk towards the crowd when i hear the band playing. i stand next to belly, slowly swaying as i sip on my beer bottle that still wasn't finished.

"did... uh.. did they respond to you?" i slowly ask, steven.

"no.. they didn't." he said and i nodded before looking back at the band.

"he sounds horrible." steven whispered to me.

"he does." i nodded.

steven goes to crowd surf and throws his sweaty t shirt at belly who groans and i laugh. he whoops and then jumps and kicks me on the head.

"what the hell, steven?" belly said. steven gets off and helps me up.

"you okay? sorry, rose." he said.

"it's fine." i said. "i'm gonna go get another drink."

"hey, you were supposed to be the DD. you know alcohol gets to you quickly." he said.

"i'll be fine. don't worry. i can drive." i said and walk away with a pounding in my head.

"i wish we were looking at venus together." i said into the phone.

"me, too." he said.

"and, rose?" he asked.

"yes, conrad?" i smiled.

"i couldn't be with someone who didn't make me feel electric either." he said and i smiled, blushing.

"hey." ethan said to me as he walked up.

"hi." i give him a small fake smile.

"boring party, isn't it?" he asked.

"yeah, it's my brother's." i said, looking around.

"oh, sorry." he said and i shrug it off.

he continues talking to me and i give him small replies but he doesn't get the hint i'm not interested.

i tried to be nice to somehow get him away or to walk away but he kept asking me stuff or telling me. he says something which i don't really understand and then his eyes shift to my lips and he leans close.

"woah." i lean back, and move away.

"i'm-i'm taken." i said.

i'm not.

i don't know why i said that. it's probably because my heart still wants to be conrad's. to be taken by him.