Forest

Chapter Twenty One

                                    Forest

   Seven missed calls, Twenty messages, and several knocks on my front door. I ignore them all. This entire weekend I haven't moved from the safety of my room, not that I have much of a choice, anyway. I wouldn't consider myself grounded. No, this is much worse. They control everything. My phone. My schedule. My body. My brain. More than they ever did before. If I thought I didn't have freedom before, I've been mistaken.

After a full weekend of sitting in my emotions, pacing, punishing myself by working out until my body nearly gives out, and showers where I almost black out from how hot the water is, I'm still not ready to face Atlas. I'm still not ready to tell him that it's over. And even though we're young, and some would say we don't even know what love is yet, I truly believe I will never love anyone like I love him. I'm not ready to leave our relationship behind, the promise of what we could be. But I'm left with no choice. This is what has to be done. This is real life, and no one gets a choice. No one gets the happy endings.

   Today, is Monday, which means I have to face everyone at school. When I walk in, I realize something is different; no one's looking at me. I mean, they are, but not like they have been lately, but like they were before everything. Like I'm a god and they can't believe I'm real. It should be refreshing, I should be happy, but it isn't, and I'm not. I'm just plain confused, what changed?

"Forest!" I freeze, my entire body lighting on fire from his voice. Atlas. He's here and he's calling to me. I should turn around, I should ask him to talk privately, and I should end things. I need to. However, I pick up the pace, and I walk as fast as what is considered normal down the hallway. Maybe I can just avoid him until this is over, then when the cost is clear, we would technically still be together, right? "Forest, you bastard, don't run from me!" I'm not running from him, I'm running from what's expected of me. Maybe I've spent too much time with him, because now he's rubbing off on me. I'm running from my problems.

I turn the corner quickly, accidentally pushing someone aside. I make the mistake of stoping, for the slightest second, to apologize out of instinct.
Because now, Atlas has me. He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, his hand fisting so much of it I'm worried he might rip it, pulling my back straight into his front. His mouth his at my ear, his breath fanning my neck. I'm so caught up with the feeling of him, I don't register that this is in front of everyone.

"Get in there. Now." He says darkly, in a demanding way, pointing to the empty classroom next to us. Is it a bad time to say how addictively hot that was? I sigh, pulling away from him and walking into the room, defeated. This has to happen one way or another, it's inevitable. I need to just get it over with.

Silence follows us, wrapping us up in an uncomfortable hug. He's staring at me, his blue eye blank, his brown eye dark. He's angry. He's never been angry with me before, and it's honestly scary. Kinda sexy. But mostly scary. I'm almost a thousand percent sure he's waiting for me to explain, and I want to, but that also leads to the end of us, and that's what's stopping me.

"You're absolutely going to kill me one day." He says breathlessly, stalking over to me. He grabs me by the belt. He pulls. I stumble into him. I think I like all this grabbing he's doing. He kisses me. I kiss him. I can't get enough of him, drinking him in like I'm dehydrated. Then it hits me, this is very well the last time I'll ever kiss him again, and if we get caught right now, it could very well end him. I pull away. He tries to kiss my neck, and I push him away, putting distance in between us. I hate it. I hate it more than I've ever hated anything in my entire life.

"We can't do that." I mumble softly, but he hears anyway, hurt crossing his face. He looks like a sad puppy, and I hate it as much as it is endearing.