Married To You?

Time is the cure for [nearly] everything

It's been nearly three months since I had a miscarriage.

Me and Qasim have gotten over it but not to the point that we've forgotten it, I sometimes still wake to him sitting up with tears in his eyes but now I sit up and actually try and help him through it rather than turn around and cry myself. I still sometimes wake from having a horrible nightmare; which I see the child I never got to touch or play with, it was a girl... I had found out a week before I had a miscarriage. It's so ironic, finding out what I was to get just days before I lose it anyways. The one thing I can never say about my baby girl, is that I never had the chance to love her as that's what I've being doing since I found out I was pregnant.

Helping Qasim is hard because he's my husband and it hurts so much to see him cry uncontrollably holding on to me tightly as if I'm his savior which I wish I could be. I let him cry and mumble all the questions I want to know the answer to even today, "Why us? What did we do? Do we deserve it?" but the thing is these questions won't be answered by anyone other than us. We just have to let go of it as much as it pains us and I've said this to Qasim and he agreed with me gulping, wiping his tears and mine. He kissed me on my forehead, a hand on my cheek as he smiled at me, "Since when did you get so mature, baby?" He teased me. I just stuck my tongue at him and pushed his hand off me and tucked myself in bed which made him laugh at me.

It's 12 o'clock and I was waiting for Qasim to wake up so we could go out for my birthday, which he had no choice but to celebrate with me alone, thanks to my father (in-law). I wasn't sure what he was planning on doing so it was basically a surprise.

Qasim awoke about half an hour after me spending an hour shoving, pushing, pinching him and screaming at him. The man was right, he could sleep through anything.

Smiling at me, he got out of bed and made his way to the bathroom as I stood to clean up and hand his clothes so we could speed up the process of getting out of our bedroom.

Once we had breakfast and we were done with all the morning tasks we got ready, well I got ready, I was wearing a plain black abaya with some simple embroidery on the arms with a cream chiffon hijab.

When we got in the car I just tuned out which probably explains why Qasim was poking me on the arm right now, "Yes" I stared at him as if I was listening to him all that time.

"Can you stop tuning out, please?"

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"Me or everyone?"

"What do you mean?"

"Just pick", he answered.

"Everyone?" I mumbled confused

"Great"

"Okay." I wandered off back to my phone where I began snapchatting, recording Qasim who eventually got annoyed and ignored me making me frown at him.

I had a feeling Qasim would break the rule of being alone with me but to be honest... I didn't mind seeing as it's good to just have fun with other people. I wondered what I would be getting as a gift but honestly it didn't matter as I've (nearly) got everything I've wanted including the best husband ever.

As soon as it got annoying that I didn't know where our destination is, I began to pester Qasim on where we were going to which I got a confident smirk as my reply. He was waiting for me to do this all that time.

~~~~

When we reached our destination which was a park, the same park where I had told him I was pregnant, it wasn't really surprising when I noticed Abid and all the girls (Raheelah, Haleena and Aneesah) were here.

We spent the day together playing around and just messing around to say it plainly. I liked it. It was cute as I noticed all the small things as we continued messing around such as; we couldn't stop laughing or smiling, Abid would constantly look at Haleena, Qasim would smirk every-time I looked at him which was nearly always.

When we got home, we had dinner which Mum made for the family, Raheelah and Haleena had gone home as they had only come for a little while. We ate quietly and as soon as we were done Haleena and Abid picked up the dishes saying that it was their job today and that I can just relax which explains why I'm in bed watching our wedding film again.

An hour into the wedding film, Qasim walked in with a small smile which grew as he realized what was on. He jumped into bed beside me which made me laugh as he only watched it to observe himself. I wasn't focusing on the film now as I had the real thing in front of me as I turned my face resting it on the pillow to look at Qasim.

I took in his face and all its features; his sharp jaw-line which was covered with stubble and his lips which were smiling at my entrance onto the stage and his eyes that were twinkling in the light and his nose that was slightly crooked and his hair that constantly flopped over in his usual bed-hair style. I was so grateful for the beautiful specimen I had recieved as a husband.

A minute into the staring, Qasim groaned, "Woman, don't stare at me"

I laughed at his childish response as I continued to stare.

He looked back at me, "What can you see?"

I placed a hand on his stubble, " A man in need of a shave but mostly my husband"

He laughed, "That's it?"

"No, there's more but your ego is big enough as it is, no need for me to boost it" I smirked.

I placed my head on his lap, his hand almost instantly weaving in and out of the strands as I looked up at him smiling.

"I love you, Qasim"

"I love you too, Khadijah"