𝑳𝑼𝑺𝑻𝟺𝑳𝑰𝑭𝑬.

CHANGE.

November 2, 2020. Friday, 9:35pm.

Pale moonlight lit the skies and to a certain extent my room. Stars swam in the pool of darkness. Every night I sat, window shopping for a life that wasn't capable while still and wishing. Max pounced upon the sill lying against the cold glass pane. He pawed at the silver against my arm. Even though my mother left me, this bracelet will never leave my wrist. It matches hers, therefore I could never.

Along with my father sweeping past my room he called me for dinner. It's the only time I'll ever leave my room, I haven't even left the house in months; only to check on my horse and let my dogs relieve themselves. Feels like I've morphed into a total dewdropper. I dislike it. I popped a kiss on the grey chunky furball's head, trudged down the steps, and sat at the empty table. Father was plating dishes whilst glued to the telephone. I don't fancy eavesdropping, but that pet name he used to call my mother by dropped from his lips; babe.

Undoubtedly he had stumbled upon a new gem. Cheery must've shaken hands with paradise, entirely too thrilled he grinned into his seat setting a plate of salmon coulibiac in front of me. "Everything going in favor?" He asked before digging in.

Poking and prodding at dinner, I just couldn't help but to feel uneasy. I detest against self absorption, still, it's itching my heart badly. "Who telephoned the line?"

"A kind dime I hit it off with. I invited her and her son to stay with us a while," he served a warm smile, however; I wasn't a fan of this plan.

"Wonderful." Before he could question the grievous attitude I began stuffing my face til there was nothing left.

"Elizabeth, whatever this is about it's going to be okay. Slow down," he reassured laying his hand atop of mine. "She isn't your real mom, I know. But maybe you two can bond? You don't even have to look at her as a parental figure if you don't want to." His thumb massaged my backhand.

"It's just hard," I pulled away excusing myself over the the pantry for my dog's bag of kibble. Their bowls refilled, Sparkie nipped at me for pats, and kisses. Though It isn't right, I try to refrain from giving to much affection to Sadie, I vividly remember my mother naming her. It's hard not falling to pieces every painful recollection. I know it's impossible, but sometimes I wish it was all a cold stoned lie.

All that's left is to check on my horse Luna. Pearly like snow, she almost glows in the dark. I used to ride her to the church when I would help out with my mother. I haven't saddled her up in a while, depression has me bed bound. Hopefully I'll get back out there soon.
____________________________
Nov, 2. Friday, 5:15am.

Lightheaded the room spun on an endless loop I collapsed to my knees catching myself by the hands. My stomach ached, empty with a burn. Dolion dug his foot into my back forcing me against the chipping wood. "You don't want your life do you?"

"I need it." My cheek forced to the ground by a hand. My arms being restrained accompanied by a sharp poke in my right arm. These niggas wild out just because they can.

"Do you now?"

Forcing me up they drug me towards the tub of water. "Man I'd go to hell and back for my little girl," my voiced cracked. My chest heavies in sync with my heavy breathing, I kicked my foot out against the edge forcing myself back. "Don't," I clench my jaw gathering every bit of strength, "kill me . . . I'll do anything." I couldn't leave my daughter, ain't no telling what they'll do to her. I'd rather it's me than her.

"Fine." Both men toss me forward at once causing my to hit my head. My lids shut tight right on impact. Warmness trickles down, streaming over my eye. In such of a daze, I was so sluggish, pain had no match against the numbness. "Ever heard of fight night?"

Only fight night I was aware of was the Migos. It ain't time for jokes though, so I simply shook my head.

"Me either, I made it up," he roared with laughter hovering over me. "Risk your life every night, seven in a row, and we will let you go. Forever."

My eyes slipped back, everything a shade of darkness. "I'll. . . Take it," I slurred. I took another pinch to the arm before I couldn't remember shit else.

We rolled up to the white gates and I wasn't feeling as bad. I hopped out and ran down the driveway. I may look dumb, but the sun is rising and if I want to comprehend anything today I need to get at least a nap in. Right now it's me vs time.

Swiftly, but quietly I went into the kitchen to splash my face and rinse the blood. I cut the water wiping my hands on my shirt. I leaned against the counter as little feet pattered in my direction. "Daddy?"

"Yes princess?" I scooped her up in my arms. She was getting so big right before my eyes, time was passing us up.

"Where'd you go? I missed you!" Grabbing my cheeks she planted a wet kiss just below my left eye. "And Lily did." Lily is her dolly, she treats her like a real person.

"I went to take a walk that's it." It would completely break me to tell her the truth, but someday I will. "Why are you up?"

"To get in your bed, but you disappeared!"

I chuckle underneath my breath and kiss her forehead. "I didn't disappear Ali." I carried her up the steps and laid her in my bed before I took a quick shower.