Love Incarnated.

• 4

I ring the door bell.
After a few minutes she opens the door looking disheveled. She was wearing an oversized sweatshirt with tights, I'm guessing it was a shirt that belonged to her late husband. She looked tired and sad.

She looked surprised to see me.
She gasps "Oh my God! I'm so sorry I forgot you were coming by today" she looks down at herself "I look like a wreck"

I smile "It's not like you always made up yourself when I used to come by your house"
She chuckles "All that mattered to me was to feel comfortable. Please come in" she says walking in and leaving the door open.

She stands infront of her console mirror, she tried to fix her hair with her hands. "I just finished packing stuff I don't need"

"Oh. Do you need help? Anything heavy?"
She shakes her head.
The house was actually really classy and posh. The windows are big and so is the living room, with very high ceilings. The house is going to draw in a lot of money, it has a lot of space for parking and whatever intended.

She also seems to have a lot of indoor plants which makes the air feel clear and fresh. It had a simple, modern and yet elegant furnishing. I mean if she did sell this house, she'd be cashing out.

"So what do you think?" She ask when she notices me looking around.
"It's really nice. Did he decorate it himself?"
She shakes her head "No he knows how much I enjoy interior design as a hobby and he doesn't really care much for the furnishing so he left it all to me. Plus we have the same taste so it made things a whole lot easier"

I nod.
"Can I offer you something to drink?" She asks.
"Just water"

She shakes her head "You cannot come to my house and take just water. Come make a choice and I'm not going to take no for an answer" she walks ahead.

I couldn't help but stare at a small frame of their family portrait, I have a feeling they took the bigger ones down as there are empty spaces.

I follow her to the kitchen which turned out to be just as marvelous. It's very spacious, massive windows as well, a big kitchen island, white marble kitchen counters, everything here was just as exquisite. The man really put a lot into the house, I guess his vision was to grow old in it.

I know I want to make things right, get back the woman I lost but if one thing is clear it's that her husband loved her, undoubtedly. I can't blame her for behaving the way she is.

"So? What would you like to eat?" She asks opening the fridge wide open for me "Choose"
I think there's everything you can ever think of in that fridge. Baked, grilled, cooked, frozen, fried, all of it.

"So? What would you like?" She asks with a smile.
"Wow, who do you pay for all this stocking?"
She smiles proudly "I do everything myself"

"Wow you're the model wife, aren't you?" I ask impressed.
Her face saddens "I wish but I wasn't like this before, I mean before—he died. When Aya turned two he told me I could go back to work and pursue my career but eventually work became my everything. I was barely around for my husband and daughter because I was too busy trying to be the best" she takes a deep breath like every word she uttered brought her so much pain "I didn't snap back until the week we lost him. That was the first time since ever that I thought 'Screw work, my family comes first' and it was the last".

"All that doesn't matter, as far as he was concerned you put your family first even when your job means the world to you. Don't live in regret"

I could tell she was fighting off the tears.
"It shouldn't be like that. My family should mean the world to me, not my stupid job"

I keep a safe distance. This isn't the time to embrace her because whether she needs it or whether I'm dying to, she's grieving for her husband and doing that right now would just seem like I'm trying to take advantage of her condition and I don't want that.

"Mami"
I look around but see no one.
She brings out a baby monitor "I'm coming"

She smiles "I gave her the baby monitor to call me whenever she needs to come downstairs. We baby proofed the house so she can't come down the stairs"
I nod.

"Excuse me" she walks out.
She comes back in minutes later holding the girl's hand.

"So what was the dream about?" She asks as she sits her on the kitchen counter next to her.
The girl just kept staring at me, probably wondering where she has seen me from.

"Aya stop looking at him like that, it's disrespectful. Have you greeted him?"
She shakes her head before saying "Hello"

I chuckle.
Asiya suddenly turns and looks at me like she remembers something "Oh! That's true. You're married too, I'm so sorry I forgot to ask. How is the family doing?"

I smile "Just fine"
"Do you have a mini you, yet?"
I nod "A daughter, Atika. People say she's my exact replica"

"That's nice, I'm sorry I forgot to ask but I'm really happy for you"
"Thank you. How old is she?" I ask looking at her daughter.

"She's 5years"I look at Aya "She doesn't talk much or she's just shy?"

She frowns "She was a lot livelier before, she was closer to him more and she always laughed, talked with him but now—" she turns smiling at the girl who was too busy taking a popsicle "I'm hoping it's just a phase"

I nod "Just give her time"
I never thought there'd be a day I see Asiya broken over losing another man who wasn't me. I can't deny that it breaks my heart because it makes me wonder if she'd do the same thing for me because she looks like she's in so much pain. She smiles but it's never sincere, it looks forced and I can't help but think of how she'd be like if she didn't have her daughter.

After talking she gave me a tour of the house and now we're standing by my car.
"So? What do you think? Should I sell it?"

I tilt my head looking at her "Why are you even thinking of selling it?"
"I think it might be too big for just Aya and I"
"But you don't want to sell it. You're not going to, so why am I here?"

"This was something we made together. The first and last thing we ever did without so much as a disagreement. We made plans and I still do love it but I feel—there's so many memories"

"It's not the house that holds all the memories, it's you. There's nothing wrong with showing emotion. You lost your husband"
She turns her head away the way she does when she doesn't like what she's hearing.

"You know me, we haven't seen each other in years but you and I are way past hiding or changing words so I'm going to be real with you as best I can. You loved that man just like he loved you. You don't need to feel guilty about your reaction to your marriage to him because it's only normal and he knows it, that's why he didn't leave"

"How would you know I reacted terribly to getting married to him?" She asks defensively crossing her arms.

"It's not a time I like to bring up but we both know you did. We're all humans and we all cry when we're in pain or hurt but you think hiding how you feel under a fake smile tortures only you? Is that what you feel should be your punishment? Because you're in regret? That should be your reward?" I sigh "It won't bring him back and that's the painful truth. Cry not because of you alone but your daughter, she has to know it's alright to cry if you're hurt but if you don't your daughter might just grow up thinking showing emotions is wrong, why would she if she never even saw her mother cry once since her father died? Do it for her if you don't deem yourself worth it. You know he wouldn't like seeing you living in misery so why should you? Everyone around you is so worried, maybe you should think about them too"

I smile "You should keep the house. It won't really sell well in the market anyway. It was good catching up" I enter the car and drive off leaving her at the brink of tears.

I didn't want to but she needs time to take everything in and maybe eventually she'll do what's right.

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