Tyler Talks Too [Complete]

I need to rant (Rant)

I can't.
I just can't.
I never thought I'd come to a point where I actually hate my mom but I'm coming really close and I know when I go home, she's going to keep talking and make me say things I don't want to say.

She talks about me like she really knows but, regardless of you being my mom, we are strangers and we've never been best friends.

If there's anything you need to know about parents, it's that they want you to be some ideal child that doesn't exist. They're determined to create an image out of something that doesn't exist, never existed, won't exist. And no matter how hard you try to show this, you will, will, be ignored. Accused of being ignorant and not knowing what you're talking about.

In spite of the fact that you know you best, inspite of the fact that you're not ignorant, in spite of the fact that, clearly, something is new under the sun.

But you know what? That's irrelevant. So whatever.
Just don't try and argue with me about something so frivolous, and then follow with "I'm sorry, I've been distant"
You're not sorry because you never tried to close the distance. You're not sorry because we've been distant since prepubescence. You're not sorry because when I've lost my mind you still try to push thoughts into a brain that's not there.

And you know? I hate this, being mad at someone I don't even know. Crying angry tears. Avoiding work because my brain is consumed with a million ways to murder you. Listening to music on repeat because it soothes me by describing the situation-ironic.

And, and, I hate the way you start your sentences, "I don't want this for you" I don't care what you want for me because I am not your property. I am not a pet. I am not furniture. I am not bills you refuse to pay. I am a human being with human feelings, and human thoughts, and a human mind, and a human heart.

And if you can't accept that I'm changing, that throwing scripture in my face won't change the past, that spouting holy slurs about "God doesn't want this" will change me, then check yourself.

God's omniscient right? And as much as I hate challenging a deity, why am I like this? I didn't ask to be like this. A part of me is dead because of how much I've shot, stabbed, hang, poisened, and hurt it.

I admit, I stopped reading the Bible. I stopped praying. I fell from the church. Because I hit a rut that changed everything for me and now I'm confused. But you don't care. So whatever.