1 Ariadne17 [ I Love(d) New York ]
[M] 85.30 [H] 87.00 [F] 85.40 [K] 86.00 [A] 90.00 ★ 56
☑ Coach Fall's Choice
" You made me smile with how you started the story. [Welcome to New York] lel. Sorry na. Anyway, back to your entry, from the very start, I was already in love with the character. And you just made me love her even more. You gave the song great justice. I so relate to Dylan, and I think that's also very important when it comes to writing. To make the reader feel what the character is feeling. This was wonderfully written. Very simple. But very beautiful. There were a few 'typos' and a few missing punctuation marks. But you could barely notice that. You made my heart ache. Honestly. And you just have a way of making characters so damn lovable, don't you? Haha! This is really amazing. You outdid yourself. Great job! "
- Judge Aeris
" That was fast. I want more! Despite the plot being commonly used, you put much attention to your character's emotions, their vulnerability. I remembered the theme I used from the previous round. This story suits best with such theme and along with infidelity, the two works fine together. This is a heartfelt read that readers can relate to. Good job and good luck! "
- Coach Ken
2 Bertang_Badtrip [ Where the Green Grass Grow ]
[M] 80.92 [H] 90.00 [F] 82.90 [K] 89.00 [A] 77.75 ★ 69
" Honestly, I was somewhat confused with this entry. It seemed like there was a bit of a 'theme-shift' or whatnot around the middle part of the story. Also, the pacing was kinda messy. It was slow, at first, then medyo bumilis siya then biglang naging steady siya. Am I making any sense here? Lol. Anyway, I am in love with this line, 'The world is twisted.' It left a huge impact on me. Well, because it's the truth. There was something with the way you started this. I can't really quite describe it. But I'm telling you, it's good. I adore the ending, most especially. It was a beautiful ending. The narration was also quite nice. It wasn't really that simple but not really that complicated either. However, I also noticed this one error. 'They're want us to leave Palo Alto.' That should have been 'They want us...' Aside from that, kudos. "
- Judge Aeris
" Such a tranquil ride. I think, all of the contestants in this round are expert writers already! Can I just smack myself because I envy all of you? A horror story with lots of emotions. So descriptive. So touch-feely. I was reading your entry while listening to your song choice. A perfect choice for the story. Kudos to that. You've met all of the requirements and did a great job in bringing it to life. Good job and good luck! "
- Coach Ken
" Introduction, it's the most vital part for me. Doon yung make or break part para sa akin. Few lines in and I was like: I think you took a hard fall from the pedestal this round. But as I go on with the story...maybe not that hard. There were times where the story became confusing and times where it was enjoyable. I liked the imagery you set, like some gritty indie film and somehow a resemblance of the novel 'One Lady at a Time'. Gusto ko rin that you had chosen an 'element' para maging main character, I think it was creative. My only concern were the parts that seemed to happen too fast, those confused me. There were also parts which seemed to be unnecessary and the fact that the theme was just in the background na dapat ay the other way around. It really was different, in terms of quality, from your other entries. Nonetheless, it was a good entry. Although, may konti pang ayos na kailangan to make it even better. I'm not gonna lie, I enjoy this but I want more from you. "
