Quiet Sorrow and Secret Nightmares

"Debbie downer man"

The 4th of July

Somewhere along the way the 4th had become the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th of July. One night wasn't enough to celebrate freedom, not when there were so many illegal fireworks to be had.

Jay had been doing better with the holiday in recent years. He no longer ended up in a corner bawling, screaming for Mouse and begging him to be alive, but Kerry dying and how he died, unlocked the box he kept those memories in. Now the pain of them had free rein on his psyche again. So those first days of July had taken him to another level of the hell he was already in.

If he got even a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep a night, he was lucky. At least he didn't end up cowering in a corner. But laying in sweat soaked sheets, reliving that night over and over again wasn't as much progress as he would like to believe.

Jay was quieter at work. People noticed. Hailey hovered - wanted to do their thing but he couldn't do it. After being in the bullpen or all day out on the streets, he just needed quiet...empty space...nothing that would make him startle or flinch...he needed to be alone with his nightmarish memories.

Voight hovered too, but in a more brutal way. He lost his patience with Jay on July 5th, thought his detective was hung over and was having none of it. Adding to that, was the case. It was terrible and all of them were on edge, especially Voight, and since Voight was already pissed at him, Jay was his verbal punching bag.

When someone would say something to him in support, Hailey, Ruz, any of them, after one of Voight's tirades, he just shrugged it off, pretended it was okay. He told himself he had plenty of practice, living under the roof of one Patrick Halstead for 18 years, no big deal.

Next came IA.

In the middle of the shit case, they raided a house. Kevin and Adam chased one of the runners while Jay and Hailey chased the other.

Their asshole went for a young girl and when he pushed her, Jay was able to stop her from falling over a wall and onto the lower deck of the park. After she was safe with Hailey, he went after the perp again and caught him in a flying tackle. Unfortunately the flying tackle sent them both down a flight of concrete steps that led to the lower half of a park.

Jay ended up with a black eye, split lip, a body full of bruises and maybe, maybe a slight concussion. The asshole broke his finger. To top off that little fiasco, the guy wasn't part of the ring they were trying to bust, but a college kid trying to make a score...a rich college kid with litigious parents wearing blinders where their 'perfect' son was concerned.

Eight hours later, Jay found himself being sued along with the city of a Chicago and the CPD. The Mayor and the city Council, being the morally bankrupt hacks that they were, tried to throw him under the bus, hence IA. They pretty much raked Jay's tired, banged up body over the coals.

IA was brutal. It was obvious he did nothing wrong but someone needed to pay, so why not Detective Jay Halstead. That was until the newspapers got wind of it and footage was found of the chase and flying tackle.

Appalled he was being sued, the mother of the girl he saved got litigious right back at the rich little fuck and his parents. Doesn't hurt to accidentally save the grandniece of the Governor.

That ended the investigation. Needless to say, even with all the support from the Unit, and being cleared a few days after the fiasco started, it was a pretty stressful week.

Then...

Hank was on Jay's ass again. He had helped his detective through the IA stuff, was supportive, and had his back 100%. But afterwards unbeknownst to Jay, the Ivory Tower saw an opportunity and just like that, Intelligence was on their radar again.