Twisted Truth

Chapter Two

Dear Diary,

It's been crazy, I never thought I'd fall in love again and I did. 

He is wonderful, charming, sweet, thoughtful, loving, caring- he is just PERFECT! 

I just got off the phone talking to him. 

His voice calms me down, he takes away all the worries I have deep inside.

About us, about what lies ahead.

It is both exciting yet tiring- exciting to share this wonderful feeling with him, yet tiring to keep on hiding from everyone. Because our relationship can't be made public!

Sometimes I wish I was just an ordinary girl, living an ordinary life. 

But if I was an ordinary girl, will he even love me? Will he even notice me without the glamour, the fame?

I feel bad for thinking about him this way.

But I can't help it, I still need to guard myself- even just a little. 

It's as if I can see storm coming in our way, and I want to be prepared- always.

I don't want my pain to start all over again.

I love him and I know he loves me. 

That should've been enough.

Yet I know it isn't.

And that what makes me afraid.

If I want to hold on to us, love is not enough.

I have to be strong, I have to keep the faith.

-Serena-

I closed my eyes and tears streamed on my cheeks after I closed my diary. 

I was right to guard myself- I was right to not love 100 percent.

At least I have retained my self-respect for not giving in to love fully.

I have been hurt again, this time not because I didn't do my part- but because it is for the best, that we lead our life away from each other.

I hope only for now.

But with everything that's happening I can't help but wonder.

Will our paths cross again- towards the mutual feelings we have for each other? Or is it now just one sided?

Did he easily forget the love he professed on national tv? Or was everything an act?

Because if it was, he did a pretty damn good acting it!

Because I felt his sincerity, I see his eyes sparkle whenever he talked about me, his laughs- real.

I knew he was happy when he was with me.

And when I see him on tv, being interviewed, talking about Morena- his smiles won't reach his eyes. It ended with just a line on his face. There was no spark. No excitement.

So I wonder, I wonder if indeed everything is still a show.

Or he is slowly coming to terms with it.

That what he has with her is real. 

He is just faking it all, smiling and all- yet not fully allowing himself to be happy on camera because I am watching him.  

Because when I see his offcam photos with her and his friends- he seem to be genuinely happy with her. And she is,too. My old girl friend.

I felt a pang of pain. My friend- yes, Morena used to be my friend. But not anymore. My boyfriend..oh, scratch that- ex-secret boyfriend...yes, that's how I feel. He is my past now.

I smiled bitterly.

How fast the turn of events has been.

Tomorrow is the first year anniversary when he professed his love for me on national tv.

A month later from that day- we were secretly boyfriend-girlfriend.

Now, we are back to being strangers.

No calls. No texts. No video chats. No social networking communications. Nothing.

I am at loss. And I am hurting.

But I know tomorrow I should fix myself and start to move on.

Because obviously he is...moving on.

And I should,too.