Quiet Sorrow and Secret Nightmares

It started with Andrew

A/N - Jay is 34 and the story takes place in 2021. Voight is out of character as always in my stories. He's not a murdering asshole, just an occasional bend the rules asshole.

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June 27th It started with Andrew - his birthday.

Jay was 16 when he decided he wanted to be an Army Ranger. No, that wasn't true. Jay was 16 when he decided he would go to war. He was 17 when he decided, after some research, he would go to war as an Army Ranger.

When Jay was ten his best friend moved away to Boston. They had been friends since preschool. Andrew was an only child and Jay had Will and Will had everyone, which boiled down to Andrew and Jay having each other. But that was fine. Will was a good big brother, but Andrew was his best friend. They did everything together, they even got beat up on the way home from school together.

Jay was devastated when Andrew moved away. His whole world seemed to end and he was alone. His mom and dad worked and Will was Will, doing Will stuff that didn't include Jay, but he was still a good big brother. He just wasn't Andrew.

They talked a lot on the phone at first, Andrew thought the people in Boston talked weird, Jay agreed. There were 26 letters in the alphabet, but the citizens of Boston were missing the 'R.' They did talk weird.

Andrew wasn't getting beat up at school. He was actually popular because he had an 'R' in his alphabet. They thought he talked cool. They treated him like he was from another country, like France or Germany. Andrew moved away and became cool. Jay was happy about that. Andrew was his best friend, he always thought Andrew was cool.

On September 11th 2003, his school had an assembly and they read all of the names of the people that had died in the attacks. Jay made it a point to listen to every name. A lot of kids talked or read or were just plain bored, but Jay listened to every name. It was the least he could do.

With the help of his mom, he had practiced his group of names the night before so he would know how to say difficult names correctly. He looked at their pictures so at least for himself there would be a face to the name. He didn't want the people to be just words.

So he said their names, perfectly and slowly, giving each it's due, then returned to his seat. He listened as everyone read their names until Cami Cole read hers. Her fifth name was Marcia Jostad. Her sixth name was Andrew Jostad. Jay didn't hear any other names after that.

He didn't think it was possible...but the timing was right, he guessed. He and Andrew had spoke less and less as time went on, every other month or so.

Their last phone call, was on Andrew's 14th birthday, June 27th, 2001. One of the last things he said to Andrew was yes, he was still getting his ass kicked but it was so much more fun when he had been with him. They laughed hard at that, they laughed a lot on their calls. He wished Andrew happy birthday again and that is the last thing he ever said to his best friend.

They lost contact after that. The next time Jay called, Andrew's phone was disconnected and he didn't really know how to get in touch with him. The few emails he sent were never answered. It made him sad, but a part of him thought at some point they would reconnect. Or at least he thinks he thought that. After awhile life just kind of went on.

All the way home from school he held onto the hope that it was a different Marcia and Andrew Jostad, after all they lived in Boston. When he got home he went to his room, locked the door and did some digging and found out that it was his Andrew and Andrew's mom.

No one had told him but maybe no one knew. It was the kind of thing his mom might keep from him to protect him, but he knew that wasn't the case because his mom had asked about Andrew just a few weeks ago. A whole family was wiped off the face of the earth, his best friend, and he didn't know.

When he went back to school the following Monday he was once again bullied on the way home from school. It was the last time he was ever bullied because even though he got beat up, the other three were in much worse condition.

He stayed in his room that night and nursed his wounds and cried for his friend and the unfairness of it all.

Later that night he made a decision to go to war. Jay fought back for himself that day, come his 18th birthday, he would join the army and fight for Andrew.

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June 30 - Then it was Kerry.

He was different then, when he enlisted. Hopeful, he had a purpose...and he was away from his Dad. The downside of being away from his dad also meant being away from his mom, but she had encouraged him to go. She had reminded him that his noble reason for wanting to join the army, Andrew, had become more, it had become his dream. The chemo was doing its job so he needed to go for it.

When it came to her cancer, he didn't know the half of it. Hell even a quarter of it. She was diagnosed terminal before he even left and didn't tell him. All Jay knew was that the chemo was working. Even the doctor said so when he went with his mom to her treatments. Now he wondered if that was even true or if his mom asked the doctor to say that knowing Jay wouldn't have left if he had known the prognosis. His mom would do something like that. That was who she was to the core.

X

Jay, Mouse and Kerry had been thick as thieves in boot camp and somehow became known as the Three Stooges in Ranger training. Jay, always so serious, was Moe and happy to be the straight man to their antics, it fit him well. When Ranger training was over the Three Stooges were broken up. Kerry ended up Africa. Mouse and Jay ended up in hell.

X

Two of the Stooges were serving together again, had been since Mouse returned to the sandbox. Kerry and Mouse were living and breathing their continued dream. Somewhere along the line all those years ago, Jay's dream changed, one could say it became a nightmare, so he had taken the medical discharge and never had a thought of going back.

X

He talked to Mouse yesterday. Kerry was dead. Another convoy, another IED. Mouse was injured but not seriously and had missed the funeral because he was in the hospital. Jay missed the funeral because he was three miles away and didn't know.