All In My Head (GirlxGirls)

Nevaeh

There's a universe that hasn't been discovered, a celestial secret waiting to be explored. - Gustan Koumantaros

I've been excited about my first day of high school for weeks, I think it was more of to the idea that I wouldn't be thirteen years old in high school. I've been over thinking this whole idea of high school to the point that I know everything is not going to work out the way I see it on television. I got a new look and attitude for school. This idea keeps floating in my mind that maybe I'll be comfortable enough to come out as a lesbian instead of lying about being bisexual.
First day of school finally approaches, my stomach is full of butterflies. Lord knows I'm trying not to throw up or fall on my face. Once I get inside the building, it looks and smells like a jungle or maybe it was the weed I smelled through the halls. Everything looked like a maze, searching for familiar faces. After twenty minutes of trying to find my homeroom classroom, I finally find two people that I use to attend Middle School with last year. There's a announcement projected through the intercom for all freshman to report to the so called "auditorium". One of the administrators welcomes us to the school and explaining the school for like the thousandth time.

The seniors walk into the auditorium, just staring at us with their fake smiles and cheery voice. They wanted to be there as much as we did. The seniors come up one by one calling two freshman with them. The meanest girl, Jamesia gets up: she calls my name Neveah Fox and this other girl named Ariella Silver very loudly, seemed like it echoed through the whole auditorium. We follow Jamesia to introduce ourselves. The white girl beside me, Ariella Silver, looked very awkward. She could be nervous or maybe scared. She kept looking at me as if I'm suppose say something. I started ignoring her presents, the more she didn't speak.

We finally get to leave the stupid meeting and finally have some sort of class period. I walked into my English one classroom, my most hated subject ever known to man. I witnessed that the awkward girl Ariella is in my class, never paid any attention to her. Our teacher walks into our classroom announcing, "freshman year is your most important year. This school can make or break you". I think all of this is a load of bull shit, this school is my back up plan.

A few months have gone by and I finally got way around this school or an idea of it. Recently got a boyfriend named Brent, most of my friends don't really appreciate the way he treats me. I developed this idea in my mind that: "we accept the love that we think we deserve". The emotional and mental abuse that I faced made me numb but at the same time I was just so weak. Every emotion was noticeable on my face to the point where I couldn't hide anything. I was waiting after school for my ride to come pick me up which felt like forever seeing as Brent and I have gotten to an argument again. Everything seem to be my fault so he called us off as usual. Ariella noticed the tears rolling down my cheek while we waited for our rides, she gave me her number for her and I to speak or get what was off my mind. We were texting for hours, I started enjoying getting to know her. She made me feel special like I was an actual person or someone important. Ariella confessed how she felt about me, which in a way I sort of tricked her into telling me. I never got the courage to tell her that I was crushing on her for a couple weeks. I started getting lost and caught up into the conversation that I committed to her when I knew I wasn't fully ready. Avoiding explanation to her that I'm completely not good for her. Few days later, Brent comes to me apologizing for everything like he usually does, I was ready to completely end it with him. Brent has this way of making me feel terrible or as if it was my fault, where as he'll "fix it". Love was never love, it was this projected idea. Abuse and neglect was the new idea of love.