Resistance

Chapter Seventeen

            Seventeen

          “-and you know what? She’s fucking gone, Sloane. She’s gone and all you do is sit there, not saying anything being a stupid bitch! She’s dead and you won’t even look at me! You did nothing! You could have saved her!”

            I don’t dare say a word.

            “Cole,” Jagger sighs. From the corner of my eye I see him put an arm around his friend but he shrugs it off. Cole is seething. I’ve never seen somebody look so tense – so torn – physically before.

            “Fuck off!” Cole shouts. “Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off!”

            Nobody says anything.

            Jack hangs back near the hood of the Hummer, holding onto the toddler’s hand so lightly that he could instead be touching fire. I haven’t moved since the boys approached, and since I haven’t opened my mouth once.

            What can I say? Emily’s dead, soon to either be completely devoured or turned into a zombie. I tried to save her, I really did, but I failed. And telling Cole that won’t change anything and it definitely won’t bring her back. Of course I feel bad, but I feel worse because I can’t remember that Emily was somehow my best friend and now she’s dead.

            I only remember her as a bitch.

            On top of all this, what can I say to anyone? I was lied to about who I was and who I knew. Emily was my best friend and she treated me like I was worthless to her. No one dared tell me about it, no one said they knew me personally, and I stupidly believed them.

            Then there’s Jagger. He was something to me, but the more I think about it, the angrier I am.

            “She’s going to turn into a zombie,” Cole mutters quietly.

            Jagger doesn’t hear him clearly. “What?”

            “She’s going to turn into a zombie!” he screeches.

            No one has anything to say to that.

            A small part of me wonders what it’s like, having someone you know turn into a zombie. Do they remember you? Do they try to resist? Are they still that person, even though they can’t speak or act human?

            I close my eyes.

            Too much happened too fast. I don’t know how to react to all the emotional that swirl inside me, so I just act like I’m numb. I don’t want to feel the loss of someone I knew, and someone who at a time was important to me. I don’t want to feel the sorrow for Cole, because he just lost someone he loved. I don’t want to feel the anger towards the world, towards the zombies, towards are group, for screwing everything up.

            “Where are you going?” Jagger calls.

            I open my eyes and turn my head slightly towards the others for the first time. Across the dust, Cole is clenching a gun in his hand as he marches towards the gas station, his shoulders hunched in fury. He looks vengeful, hence why Jagger is chasing after him.

            “She may still be alive,” Cole calls, not turning around. His voice sounds so broken. “I need to go in there and do something!”

            Jagger catches his shoulder and swings Cole around despite his obvious resistance. When I see his face, my heart sinks. Its red, the kind of colour you turn when you cry.