Estranged | ✓

XXVI. apologies and fantasies

anupamaa :

He finally looked up at me, with teary eyes.
He took a step towards me.
We stood only inches apart.

"I-I am sorry.", He mumbled.
He sounded weak, almost broken.
He wiped his tears.
"I never meant to hurt you this way. I-I.. I know no apologies from my end can heal you, no amount of sorrys can set us right.. I know no amount of justification can make you trust me..", He was whispering now.

The look of despair in his eyes.
I had seen this in him when he was crying for Rittika.
And today, I saw it for me.

He joined his hands before me.

"I-I am sorry.. Forgive me.. It's okay if.. if you don't want anything to do with me anymore.. it makes absolute sense. I-I don't know when I went from being the victim to the villain..", he mumbled.

Tears slid down his eyes.
My heart wrenched.
I just couldn't see him in tears.

"See.. Anu-Anupamaa if you want to punish me..", he chocked, but then gulped and continued,
"You-you might as well. I accept being pathetic to you and I deserve to get nothing less than hell.."

He mumbled, he was sobbing now.
Vanraj Shah was sobbing, before me, almost begging for forgiveness.

It oddly reminded me of myself begging for him to love him.

I wiped a tear from the corner of my eye. I had to tell him what I truly felt, I must let him know I have trust issues. I cannot melt away.
Not yet.

I suddenly remembered all the humiliation that I had faced.
Especially the way he and his mother had unapologetically cut my wings.

Yet I felt sympathy as he spoke, in his broken voice,
"I-I am sorry.. I really am.. I don't know how to make you believe in me..", he had bent, his arrogant shoulders had given up on pride as he stood before me almost bowing.

Who had ever imagined a day like this would come.
And yet it was here.

"If-if you want you might as well slap me-"

My hand almost involuntarily slapped him.
Right across the face.

He had definitely not expected it, he had almost been off balance but somehow stood.
He looked up at me, placing his fingers on his cheek.

I felt my insides burn.
"You asked for it.", I stated.

My anger and my love for him seemed to be at war with each other.

Now, I definitely expected him to scream and leave.
But he did nothing as such.
"You can slap me again.. you can punish me whatever the way you want..", He finally broke down.

I could tell the slap had been hard.
But what probably hit harder was the fact that I hit him.
He knew the amount of trigger I required to do that task.

He fell to his knees before me.
Now plainly crying.

"Do whatever you want to do to me.. but give me one chance..", he said, now crying.
I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. My heart ached.
I too knelt on the grass, to reach him.

He looked at me, his eyes red.
"Just one chance.. just one Anupamaa.. if I fail even once you can leave. And never return..", he said, not caring about his huge ego or pride,

"I-I hadn't laughed or even smiled for five years.. I left you, and with you my happiness, my joy, everything left me.. I-I don't even talk to my parents.. I just work like a machine day and night.. I-I am losing sight of the shore..", he said, sobbing.

His voice trembled.

"Pull me out of this train wreck.. Give me one chance.. Just one chance to make it all right."

He said.

I edged closer to him.
He looked up at me.
The scarred boy, the broken lover, I saw him again.

"I am sorry..", he whispered again.

And without even thinking, I pulled him into a kiss.
I didn't realise how much I needed him. I felt his hand at my neck, pulling me closer.
He instantly deepened it.

I shut my eyes, feeling him. There was a fiery passion.
We had kissed numerous times before, but never had we longed for each other this way.
I wrapped my arms around his neck.
We were finally breathless as we parted.

My forehead touching his as we panted for breath.
I glanced at him.
He smiled, ah I knew that smile better than anyone.

And this time, he pulled me into another kiss.
Wrapping his arm around my waist, he pulled me closer. Our bodies against each other.
After five years, it was very different.
Maybe because.. he truly meant what he said.

I ran my finger along his sharp jawline, immersed in his mouth.
I felt his other hand holding my face, then running his finger down the side of my neck, sending chills down my spine.
After what seemed like ages, we parted.

I was catching up my breath.
And so was he.

His face was absolutely red, and I knew mine was too.
Thankfully no one had seen us, and even if they had, we couldn't care less.

"What should I take the answer as?", He asked, breaking into a smile.
"I haven't decided yet.", I said, slipped out of his grip and standing back up.

He raised a brow.
"So?"
"Your proposal shall be under consideration, Mister Shah.", I said grinning.
He smiled looking down, nodding.

"Thank you for your precious consideration, Maharani ji.", He said.
"Ah.. I like that nickname.", I said feeling an absolute surge of happiness, joy, satisfaction, everything.

I heard his stand up, and I knew he watched me as I turned, smiling away, and walked down to my apartment.

"When can I get your next appointment, Maharani ji?", He asked, shouting.
"Tomorrow! Over tea in your apartment. You are making it!", I shouted back, smiling away.

I knew he smiled too.

I didn't know about my dreams but all my wild fantasies were definitely coming true.

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