secret love | jimin ff

chapter 28 ||

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"Are you ever gonna tell me about you and Jungkook?"

"What?" I stuttered out in shock. He crossed his arms. "You heard me." I sighed, leaning against the wall, thinking of what to say.

"Okay Listen-" he just put his hand up to stop me from talking. "I'm not mad. It's fair, I said we should take a break and I guess your just exploring your options or whatever. It's cool"

I sighed. "Even though your not mad I still want to explain myself" I mumbled. He walked to stand across from me, and nodded his head.

"So basically when you told me you wanted to take a break...I was obviously very hurt. And after a little while that hurt turned into anger. And... he helped me get through it, talked to me, and made me feel better...I guess my eyes just opened up for him so I figured after that long, I should give him a chance....now that I could. And It as well gave me a good excuse not to think about us and get over you" I mumbled looking down. He nodded, listening.

"But I didn't exactly plan on it getting so serious it just...happened" I finished.

I took a breath before looking at him. "I get it. Are you happy?" He asked. I looked down, nodding my head. I almost felt bad. I didn't really know where we were when it came to the feelings. I would be lying if I said I was completely over him, of course I wasn't. Things were just confusing, but it was over. We ended, and I'm trying to forget about it.

I heard him walking towards me. He suddenly wrapped his hands around me, pulling me in for a hug. I was shocked at first, but eventually hugged him back.

After a few seconds, he slightly pulled back, kissed my cheek, and moved away. "Good, I'm glad" he whispered before going upstairs. My face was frozen. I was left dumbfounded. Was it really this easy? Is all the tension over? I managed to get ahold of myself after a couple of seconds, and shortly following upstairs and to bed.

I laid down under the covers, looking at the ceiling. No way am I getting any sleep. I grabbed my laptop from beside my bed, and opened Netflix. Laying down comfortably, I started watching my show forgetting about the world around me.

A little while later while I was texting Jungkook, a knock came from the door. No doubt about who that could be. "Yes?" I yelled, while locking my phone and pausing the show.

In walked Jimin of course, and I closed my laptop all the way. "What's wrong? You okay?" I asked leaning up. "This is going to sound so cheesy and I'm going to sound like a pussy...but I can't sleep and I can't stop thinking and everything is just so shitty right now so I thought—"

"Yes, you can sleep here" I chuckled. He slightly smiled before walking around to the other side and getting in. I put my laptop away and we both laid on our sides, looking at each other in silence. Not a word was exchanged, but yet we said so much.

I could see him looking at me with so many emotions, so many that I eventually just had to look away. Every time he looks at me with this much intensity I get nervous. I can't even explain why. I was over this, we were good now. Right?

I awkwardly decided to create a conversation.
"So, are you alright staying here?" I spoke, making eye contact again. He nodded and smiled. "Mhm, it's nice"

I whispered "Good" in response, being so lost in his intense stare. I chuckled out of awkwardness. He kept his soft smile, just laying there pretty as ever. After a few seconds I could feel him move slightly closer to me. Oh god.

I was desperate for something to talk about, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't find the right things to say. Suddenly his fingers touched mine. I just looked at his finger, as it was slowly tracing circles around my hand. It felt warm and calming, yet I knew it wasn't right.

He seemed to notice my slight discomfort, and pulled his hand back. "Sorry" he whispered. "No you're fine" I smiled, and closed my eyes as I felt the same circle motions back on my hand. This isn't good, this can never end good.

"A-are you doing anything special this weekend? Party or...maybe a date" I awkwardly asked. He smiled and moved even closer. "Nope, nothing. Why?"

"Just wondering" I mumbled out as I could see his face only inches away from mine. God that beautiful face.

I sighed, closing my eyes. It felt so wrong but so good at the same time. When I reopened my eyes, I met his beautiful brown stare."Jimin this isn't right" I managed to whisper out, breaking the eye contact. "I know."

But he didn't move, and neither did I. It wasn't until I felt him softly grab my hand and hold it in his own, that I knew I had to break it.

But once again, I didn't. He inched his way closer, and by now I could feel his breath on my lips. Shit shit shit. Then his other hand made its way up to my head, pulling a piece of hair away and tucking it behind my ear. I had to close my eyes again. I couldn't look at him.

I felt the hand move down my arm, and land on my hip. I literally squeezed my eyes shut, being so confused and almost scared of what was happening.

I gasped when his grip on my waist tightened, pulling me even closer. My eyes were wide, as I could practically feel his lips on mine. Why was he doing this...the confusion just kept growing, not knowing the meaning behind his actions and my own mind being in a mess.

I just couldn't push him away. His hand continued to move on my skin, giving me goosebumps all over. I could see him close his eyes, breathing heavier.

"Jimin..." I whispered. My mind wanted to get away but my body just wouldn't move. "I know...I know" he answered. He intertwined one of our hands, and placed our foreheads together.

"I'm not sure what I'm doing" he mumbled. I had to take a deep breath. "Make me stop..." he continued. The tension between us was over the moon. I shut my eyes, trying to focus. "Just tell me to stop, and I will." He finished, carefully caressing my cheek.

A single tear fell from my eye. The flashbacks from us was hitting hard at this moment, and it almost became unbearable. "We have to stop" I whispered, squeezing his hand once before pulling away. He nodded, moving back as well.

He gave a soft smile, wiping my single tear, and pulling the covers up to his shoulders. "Good night Y/N" he whispered, and turned around.

I couldn't even say anything back. I wanted to speak but....what would we say? Why would I let it even go so far? My mind was wandering and I had no clue what to do. I knew I needed to talk but I couldn't talk to him. Definitely couldn't talk to Jungkook.

Quickly pulling up my phone, going into messages, and writing to the two people I knew I could talk to.

Group message:

Me: "I HAVE to talk to both of you, tomorrow before school."

And with that I put my phone on the nightstand, and the only thing I could do was to try and get some sleep.

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