|| Hanging on by a Fiber ||

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|| This story is the sequel, (book 2) to my other story 'Anidala - The Empire's reign'. I highly suggest you read that story first:) thank you. ||

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|| Anakin's POV ||

It's strange, what one choice can do to your life. How one small decision in an irrelevant moment can change the course of your whole future in a heart beat. Can determine your ultimate suffering or give a small slimmer of hope for the happily ever after you've always dreamed off.

If Anakin had faked sick to be home when the dreaded sandstorm hit, all those years ago on Tattoine like his mother had wanted him to. He would have never met Qui-Gon Jinn, or Padme. One choice to make a couple of extra credits had sealed his fate all those years ago and perhaps his mothers too.

If he had stayed at home that day, would he still be a slave? Would his mother still be alive? These thoughts often plagued Anakin, in moments when he found peace and quiet, in the dead of night or when he was alone with his children soaking up their presences.

He offered a glance to Leia who lay in her crib sucking her toes, Luke lay asleep in Anakin's arms earning himself a small smile from his father before the small moment of peace and quiet tormented him once more.

If Anakin could go back, if he could change that one decision and stay home with his mom to buy her a couple more years of her life back would he?

Luke stirred in his arms as if to tell him the answer he already knew.

no.

The thought was horrific, sickening, yet true. Because even if it gave his mother another 30 years of her life he would never trade that decision that brought him to meet Padme, never. Even after all the pain he knew he would endure, all the suffering, his fall.

He would go through it all again, because it would mean he would have her in his life. Even if it was for 3 years in a long life of endless suffering he would have done it.

Anakin blinked to the sound of Leia's soft babbling, he'd long since learnt how to live with the guilt of that singular thought, he'd spend years with it tormenting his peaceful hours after his mothers death.

It had tortured him to point where he had healed from the sickening truth behind it. He'd done worse things, had to face worth things, was tormented in those small peaceful moments with far far worse memories and thoughts.

He'd found himself happy when the thoughts of that small decision concerning his mother would plague his mind, welcomed it with open arms, it would mean he was free, for that one moment not to face everything else. Not to face even a small fragment of what was his tainted soul.

No. Tainted wasn't the right word to describe his soul. Not after coming back from the dark side and having to face everything he'd done under that cold wake. Everything that hadn't mattered to him while he'd been under.

It was like someone had lifted the curtain, shone light on the truth, showing him things he'd done in a heartbeat without a second glance, 6 months ago, things that now taunted him in his waking hours, ensured he would never sleep another peaceful night again.

And made him well aware of how little he deserved Padme, how wrong it was for him to be allowed to hold his child when he had robbed that right from thousands of others.

Anakin swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and slowly shook those dangerous thoughts from his mind. He wouldn't let himself go down that rabbit hole yet, he wouldn't let his actions shred him apart.

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