AMBY AWARDS TOP PICK 2023 ❤️
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"You think I can't act like I'm into you?" He asks in a whisper. He reaches out, and strokes a finger down my cheek, and I feel myself shiver at the touch.
"You think I can't convince everyone that I have f...
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I know what you're thinking.
You read those last two chapters, shaking your head in disbelief. Tutting. Possibly you were internally screaming at my actions. Wishing you could write a comment next to my thoughts, telling me I'm being an idiot.
You think I'm naive.
And you're absolutely right.
I am naive. I have a tendency to focus on the good in people. The curse of the optimist. I can't change who I am. I don't know if I would even want to.
You likely think Declan is a bit of a prick too. And maybe you're right. But he was my prick.
Oh holy crap, that sounds all levels of wrong, doesn't it? Strike that line from the records, your honour!
Anyway, I've always known Declan isn't flawless. He's not actually a bad guy though; he's just a bit . . . Selfish. He's still got room to grow as a person. A lot of room. But I loved him in spite of this.
So why am I like this, I hear you ask?
Well, firstly, when it comes to matters of the heart, and various other organs, I was a bit of a late starter. I had my first kiss at sixteen. (It was terrible, FYI.) I thought "oral sex" meant French kissing for an embarrassingly long time (I feel I should state this is in no way related to the dreadful first kiss). And I didn't actually lose my virginity until I was 23.
That being said, in the three years prior to having sex for the first time, I studied for it with the same dedication I put into my exams.
I acquired a book called "203 Ways To Drive A Man Wild In Bed". The less said about how I happened across that particular how-to guide, the better. (Okay, if you really want to know, I found it in my mum's bedside cabinet. I know. Full-body-cringe mode enabled.) I read the book cover-to-cover, then I got out the coloured post-it notes so I could bookmark certain hints and tips.
I poured over the sex-related articles in magazines. I even watched some porn. Purely for research purposes, you understand. I got no enjoyment out of it whatsoever. (Okay. Maybe a little.)
By the time my opportunity arrived, I was fairly sure I was an expert in all things sex-related.
That was, of course, only in theory though.
In practice, it was probably not so good. Awkward. Bumpy. Sweaty (and not in a good way).
I was a little bit devastated, I can't even lie. I genuinely thought, thanks to all my research, I was going to be an absolute freak in the sheets. A sex goddess.
But, no, I basically ended up acting like the shy, repressed virgin I actually was.
It got better though. Thank goodness! But that initial first was once again another time when reality had absolutely no bearing on my own expectations.
