My Calling

Thirteen - Unexpected Words

Chapter Thirteen

I had a storyline planned out but now I want to change it so things might start to get messy. Oh well. I migth not even change it. I don't even know. I have no idea what I'm doing to be honest. Oops. Sorry for the long wait, enjoy!

'Why thank you, maybe I can give you a private show sometime ;)'. 

That's his reply. That's what I receive back an hour later and oh my god it makes my heart flip. I've become a fourteen year old again and agonizing over the meaning behind his every word. I think about fifteen minutes pass before I come up with a reply. And I'm shooting myself when I send it because all I say is 'Yeah maybe.'

I chuck my phone down in frustration because all these feelings are stupid. Him and I won't work. We can't work. We'd never work. Yet deep down, I have a small inkling of hope that maybe we will. Or that we could. I don't even know where these feelings have come from, all I know is that they're here. They've crept up on me and I don't know what to do about them. Hell, I don't even know if they're real. He's really the only person other than my Syco team that I've felt I could talk to up here in Hollywood. I have no other human contact in that way really. So maybe it's me just craving the attention. Then again, maybe it's not.

My phone vibrates again so I push all my thoughts away and check it. It's him saying 'Haha sweet as, did you watch everybody else? Jennel was sick tonight!'. Reading the text puts me in a new mind set. Just because I have these feelings for Wes doesn't mean he has them for me. I've already made it clear we'd never get together despite his charming ways. He could've friend zoned me already. I groan at all these different scenarios and mentally scold myself. He's taking up too much of my time already. Thinking about him is wasting time I could be thinking about my new single or album or anything like that. Thinking about him is distracting, just like Sarah said. So I push him out of my mind. I will the feelings to leave. And when I reply, I reply as if he's a friend. A friend whom is not distracting. Just another friend. 

'Yeah I did, she was awesome! I liked Carly too, she's an amazing singer.' I know it's a lie. Well, me saying I watched everyone is but the rest isn't. Jennel is awesome and Carly is an amazing singer so I can at least pledge that. I obviously wasn't going to tell him I watched his performance five times. No, that's just stupid.

We text for the rest of the night and some of his replies are delayed because he's doing a few interviews. It's when I feel myself phone watching that I tell him I'll text him later. Phone watching is something I swore to myself I'd never do. 

--

The next morning, Ally, Sarah and Eddie are around at my house bright and early to get me ready for my day of interviews. Whilst Ally does my hair and make-up, Sarah drills me on things I should and shouldn't do. When Ally gives me my outfit, I'm thankful it covers more skin than yesterday, especially with the colder months approaching ever so slightly. I go into the bathroom and put on the clothes she gave me - a black dress, the shoes from my last photo shoot and a bright red almost pink blazer. The combination is weird but I kinda like it. When I come out, everyone's happy with how I look. The dress is skin-tight but at least it respectively covers everything, that has to count for something.

As soon as that's done, everything is just go go go. I do interview after interview, some of them are fun and some of them aren't. I go to different magazines, Young Hollywood, Teen.com and I finish it off by seeing some online bloggers. By the end of the day, I'm so worn out I feel sick. I feel as if I could just drop dead. I need a proper sleep and I need a proper meal. And I also need to see my friends and family but that's a whole new story.

When Ally drops me off home at the end of the night, my eyes are barely open; I'm like a walking zombie making my way up to my apartment block. When I get in, I know I should eat but I'm just too tired so all I do is change into my pyjamas and fall into bed. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I'm out like a light.