Home - COD Simon Ghost Riley X Female OC

Chapter 41

"Where thou art, that is home."- Emily Dickinson

Simon didn't know what was coming and he hated it, all they could do was wait. When all they could do was wait and it meant time to let Mariana rest and readjust it wasn't so bad, but now it meant they would have to up and leave at whatever moment they were told and once they were stateside, he couldn't have total control over the situation anymore.

She looked calm, full of acceptance. It was cool outside in the night air and she wrapped her arms around herself. He looked her up and down.

"I think these clothes are just fine." He said, taking a drag. Flirting.

She inspected the oversized t-shirt she wore. "Comfortable, at least." She caught his eye in the darkness. "I thought we would have more time."

"We have plenty of time, MJ." He assured her.

She wasn't sure what he meant, and she didn't ask. She didn't feel ready to even get on a plane again, let alone face humanity, tell the world she was back.

"You keep using that word." She said quietly.

"What word?" He snuffed the cigarette out, ready to take her in out of the cold.

"'We'".

He turned back toward the city for a moment, a pain growing in his chest. She would want a normal life after this and he didn't know how to fit into that. And even if she thought she didn't, it was what she deserved.

She felt his hesitation as if he had spoken it out loud. She saw him as the one with all the answers but it occurred to her again that neither of them knew how to navigate this. She spoke again before he could.

"I like it, Simon. I want it to be us. But it's not like you don't have a life outside of this—"

"So do you." He interrupted, his voice cautious.

She shook her head quickly. "I don't know. It's been a long time. If I go back into practice..." She trailed off like there was no way to know the answer.

"If?" He turned to face her. "MJ."

"I don't want to talk about it right now."

She took a deep breath, overwhelmed. She'd been gone too long to pick back up where she left off, and she didn't feel like going back to New York. Law was practiced all over the world, there was more she could do, she needed her computer, she needed a lot. She needed time.

He nodded, he wasn't going to force her. It was selfish again, anyway, because he wanted to know where he could find her after all this.

He opened the door and motioned for her to go back in the house. She stood there for a moment like she was lost before she took a confident step back toward her room. He watched her go in silence. It became increasingly apparent to him that this could be a loss quite unlike anything he had felt before.

Death was so final. Mourning someone that would never come back was different from mourning someone who had left by choice. And he was sure that even if he could keep her for a while, there would be parts of him she would eventually discover that would turn her away. They would be separated and her loneliness would drive her to someone who could give her everything. Or she would somehow see that his steady hands hid an absolutely shattered human being and the work to piece him back together would consume too much. She might be the only with the power to do it, and somehow it scared him further, made him want to retreat. Made Ghost come to the surface.

He stood there, leaning against the counter long enough that she walked back out of her room with wet hair, in something long sleeved. She stopped and looked at him for a second like she was surprised he hadn't moved.