I Have Friends Who Understand Me

18 - Strikhedonia

AN: I may have accidentally given people completely unrealistic expectations for my updates based on the first couple days of the year, no it wasn't some resolution I dropped EXTREMELY quickly, i was on winter brake and suddenly had motivation. I'm honestly really bad at updating and cause i noticed a lot of new people i thought i should make that clear :) (also omg you guys are amazing and I love you all so much <3) (also also its been awhile but please dont kill patches, I'm updating ;-;)

Ash POV

I woke up as the lights in the theater turned on, not totally sure what to do next.
So I watched another movie, I mean, once your in the theater area it's pretty easy to get to a new one without a ticket.

After finishing that movie, I heading down to the food court, at this point it was around 6 at night and surprisingly I wasn't hungry, but I figured I should get out of the theater at this point.

Sitting at a random table, I pulled out my phone to make a quick update to Twitter, cause why not?

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Arson Bird @arson_brid

Hey everyone quick update cause I promised to keep y'all in the loop with when I can stream next:

So as of right now, I may not be able to stream for a bit. It shouldn't be too long, just gotta get a few things situated first. Can't wait to get back to it though!

Can't stop the grind 😎

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Okay, thats done now.

...

I know I had a plan going into this, but its so hard to follow through on. I didn't expect this. I should have double checked with her.

It's been at least a year at this point since Max said I could move in with her. That's a long time, why did I not double check?

She won't want to see me. I'm just a bother...

Ugh, I hate thinking like this. I am in desperate need of dispelling mental energy.

So thats just what I go to do, right after buying a quick energy drink down at 7/11 I head back outside to the bike rack. I threw my bag into the basket and made off to my favorite little hideaway.

Only a couple minutes away from my... parents... house is this little wooded area, the type for people to jog through and pretend like their is still nature around despite that fact that you can hear the cars from the roads surrounding it no matter where in there you are. It's a beautiful place to wander and let myself get lost, but sometimes I need more of an outlet then an escape. Thats when I go to this barley a bridge area under a piece of the near by road.

Despite the graffiti that always appears on street signs in the area, no one else seams to go here, which is good for me because it means I can leave my spray paints here, buried of course. I make my way to the pile of some type of plants with thorns and uncover my little collection.

I carry them over and set them on the ground next to a large blank space on the concrete wall before grabbing my speaker out of my back pack and setting up my current favorite playlist, "bob". 

Great name, right?

I started painting and singing and dancing and yelling. The road is just quiet enough that I don't bother people enough to get the police called on me.

It was the purest form of "I probably need therapy but don't have it and this is pretty fun too I guess".

I let the paint flow from the cans as emotions turn to inspiration and spill from my mind onto the wall. Color after color layering and shaping and adding detail after detail to my newest piece. My newest cry for help, newest admission of guilt, of pain, of a strange sense of hope that I'm begging doesn't get taken away from me again. 

After what feels like minutes but turns out to have been hours, I step back to take it in. Overlapping colors shaded into a leap of faith. A simple figure reaching out as they leap into a cloud of colors, as darkness slowly reaches out for them in return. The picture capturing the moment the choice is made and the step is taken, the moment of no return no matter how much the past tries to draw them in, they know they can never go back. I decide on one final touch before I hide my paints away again, one word sprayed along the bottom.

"Strikhedonia"

The pleasure of being able to say "to hell with it".

I've always loved those weirdly specific words with the most beautiful meanings. 

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*ding-dong*

I take a deep breath as I wait for Max to open the door. Please, Max.

I hear the deadbolt click and the next thing I know Max has pulled me into a tight hug.

I only realize how much I must have needed that as I blink away the beginnings on tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

She pulled away from the hug and gives me the sweetest smile, I've misses her.

"Okay, not that I don't love you being here and visiting me out of the blue, but it is almost midnight, and don't even try to tell me your fine, I can tell you were crying, so what's up?"

"Well, I- I finally told them..."

"You told mom and dad? But you're here so... oh... oh my god, I'm so sorry, Ash." She pulls me in for another hug, which I gladly accept. "Here, lets get you inside, and I'll make some hot chocolate, okay?"

"That sounds great, thanks, Max."

"Course." She leads me over to her couch quickly and I put my backpack next to the coffee table as she heads back to the kitchen to get the hot chocolate. "Now, do you wanna talk about it or do you want a distraction?"

"Distraction please, I don't wanna think anymore."

"Ha, well, you'll have to get back to that at some point, but for now" She walks over to me, now holding two mugs with all the fixings, and I'm talking candy cane sticking out, a mountain of whipped cream, caramel sauce, cinnamon, everything. "I do have the entire Twilight series if you wanna hate-watch it..." That brought a smile to my face. Hate watching movies and TV shows with Max had been what really brought us together, when your sister is ten years older then you that gap can get pretty big, and not a lot is able to bridge it.

"Always."