Your Fading Light

Chapter 9

Once Cale was finished with his call, Rok Soo decided to show him the room he'll be sleeping in, which is, well, his room.

He has no other choice since the villa has only 4 bedrooms. One was occupied by his dad, the other by his sister and Olienne when he dropped by sometimes, the other was Dodam's and Raon's and the other one was his.

"Well, sit anywhere you wanted I'll be back." Rok Soo said to Cale who already sat on the bed reaching for a book.

"Where are you going?" Cale asked nonchalantly thinking that Rok Soo probably only would be going to the toilet or the kitchen.

"I'm going downstair to drink. Why, wanna follow me?"

In truth, he was going to eat his prescribed medication pills that he ate every night. However the pills seems to be less effective as the years goes by.

His chest hurts, it hurts to breath sometimes. He could feel his time coming nearer but he wanted to hold on at least until he was 18. He hated pain but he hated by dead more and he.. Didn't want to leave his family alone. Not yet.

"Nah, see you later." Cale wave him goodbye before going back to reading the comic he found on the table earlier.

After what felt like forever, he finally reach the kitchen and went straight to the cabinet where he keep his medication. Without much thought, he gulped down a pill with the help of a glass of water that was provided by Sherrit in advance every night.

As he gulped down his medication, his thought was filled with Cale. The way he laugh, they way he frowned,the way he looked at Rok Soo with concern, his mind was filled with Cale.

Where almost everyone refused to slack with him and preferring to do a more strenuous activity, Cale would always found a way to slack together with him.

Even when Cale invited to play a game with him, it's always a game where they both could play calmly without getting frustrated when losing a level and often times their classmates would leave them alone in their own little bubble.

Rok Soo could no longer deny how he feels safe around him... and it's probably time to tell him the truth.

He truly do love Cale and he tried to deny it at first, not wanting to hurt himself with the revelation. However he couldn't give up his feelings toward Cale no matter how hard he tries.

It may hurt him in the end but.. for once, Rok Soo wanted to be selfish.

When he got back, he saw Cale sitting on the bed leaning on the wall reading a book, tucking the strands of hair behind his ears. Cale, noticing his presence closed the book and greeted him.

Cale patted the other side of the bed gesturing for him to just sit down already.

"What took you so long? Your stomach hurts from eating so much?" Cale joked.

"Heh, isn't it you who ate much more than me though?" Rok Soo teased back.

"No I wasn't. I'm eating like a normal teenager should. Plus, you should eat more or you'll be a shortie by your twenties." Cale laughed not expecting the response he'll get.

"If I'm still alive by then." Rok Soo answered while smiling bitterly.

All the laughter ceased and the atmosphere turned heavy. Cale who was laughing earlier stopped and faced Rok Soo with a serious expression.

Cale keep on looking for any signs signaling this was all just a cruel prank or if Rok Soo was joking but couldn't find any. It seems like Rok Soo was totally serious about this and the thought filled him with dread.

"...what do you mean 'If you're still alive by then'?" Cale asked borderline panicking.

"It is what it is. I'm dying Cale." Rok Soo clarified looking straight into Cale's shaking eyes.

At that the man turns towards him, holding his shoulder slumping forward leaning on him.

“How can you be so calm right now?” Cale whispers trying really hard not to scream.

“Cale, please.”

“How can you be okay with this? How can you sit there and- and simply accept it!”

Rok Soo’s fists clench at his side, his body shaking with the effort to hold himself together. To not let himself fall apart again.He already did once when he first receive the news, it couldn't happen again.

The only sound in the room is their breathing when Rok Soo decides to speak up.

“I’m not. Okay? I’m not okay with this.”Rok Soo started with so much pain and fear that he could never properly express.

“I’m not okay at all. I don't wanna die, I wanna live!"His voice breaks as a sob wrenches itself from his throat without his consent.

He falls onto his hands and knees, hands clutching tightly onto the fabric of the bedsheet, twisting and squishing it between his trembling fingers. 

"I'm tired Cale..."

Cale held his hands rubbing his back in order to comfort him.  In the silence of a room, only slow breathing and sniffles could be heard as two man held on to each other clinging for the warmth that the other provides.

"Is..is this why you're always coughing... and clutching your chest where you thought I couldn't see this past year? Because you're in pain and quite literally dying because of it?" Cale asked even as he sniffed loudly.

"Yes and I'm sorry."

Rok Soo hugged Cale tightly in his arms which made him freeze but responded back with a hug.

"What are you sorry for you fool?"

"I'm sorry for being selfish"

"Selfish?"

"I'm sorry...

For loving you even when I knew the ending."

Rok Soo apologised as he felt the tears trickled down his face.

-

Cale was the first to break away from the hug to look at him with shaking eyes and red cheeks.

"You..like...me?" Cale couldn't believe his ears. Did he hear him right?

"No, I love you. I love you Cale Henituse." Rok Soo corrected as he cupped Cale's face and saw those beautiful eyes were red and teary.

"I love you too, Kim Rok Soo."

Losing themselves as they stared at the other flushed face, they slowly move their face towards the other,coming so close and finally, they kissed.

Cale were holding on tight as didn't want to let go but neither do Rok Soo which lead them to share a passionate kiss that leaves them breathless.

"So.. Can I be selfish and ask you to be my boyfriend?"

With hazy eyes, Cale looked up to see Rok Soo smiling at him fondly as they shared one last kiss.

"... Do what you'd like."