Acknowledging the disgust.

• the after math •

And there I am, standing - shivering, slightly from the rage and mostly, from the pain and fear. I am brave, no doubt I am. But instances as such, weaken every last bit of your existence.

Now, it's the turn of my friends. The canteen was still drowned in silence, the atmosphere thick with tension and students didn't know if they wanted to stay to see another drama unfold or wanted to leave as fast as possible seeing me this fierce. I understood the dilemma they had and so I stormed off. I didn't want them to stop having fun because of me. My friends followed me and I knew it because I could hear them screaming my name at the top of their lungs. But I was too infuriated, too hurt to bother stopping. So, I just kept walking, in fact sprinting. He was the fastest in the group, the love of my life, my saviour. And he let me go even though he could've stopped me because he knew where I was headed to. The music room. The room where we had fights, where we stormed away from each other, the room we wanted to be in with one another. And I reached the music room I stopped and marched in. My friends had reached just after a minute. He was standing outside the room. Maybe he didn't want to face the fierce me and that's okay. He's wise like that. So, they all enter together and I can sense every moment of theirs, hear every one of their hearts beat even though my eyes stare into nothingness. Tears threaten to spill but I know they can't. They shouldn't. It takes an immense amount of strength in me to lower my voice and ask them about why they were following me? No, I genuinely wanted to know. Since, the incident they all remained aloof. No one except for my sister behaved with me the same. Though they didn't directly question, the questions, the ever so slight accusations were intact in their eyes and it only shattered when I confronted that piece of crap. And so, with my calmest voice I asked "Why have you all being following me?" and the others almost have a heart attack but to be honest, I can't quite tell if it was because of my voice or the question I had asked. No one said anything and I lose my patience pretty quick when I am angry. So, my hands fisted and I repeated slower than earlier, but in a more dead voice, a voice deprived of love, oneness and human touch. I could see they were trying their level best to answer to me but they couldn't. But now, I needed answers. Every time, I stood in front of everyone answering and sharing my feelings, pleading to be forgiven to have doubts but not this time. So, I look at them, straight in the eyes and ask again, "Why are you all following me?" and this one comes as a growl. I didn't intend for it to but neither am I complaining.

I can feel their throats drying as they gulp and gulp and gulp again. Not saying a word and with every millisecond my patience depletes. Finally, he breaks the silence. He says "I am sorry, I should've known better..." I chuckle, I knew he had more to say but I couldn't control myself. He was shocked, hurt almost because he knew my chuckle wasn't one of delight but of pain. I looked down to hide the sarcastic dry smile as I wanted him to get over with what he had to say. "I am really sorry, I mean it. I know you are hurt and I was too. But I know now, you went through more pain than me, you always have. I just couldn't look beyond my rage and misread the entire situation. I didn't doubt you for a moment, I promise. But yes, I did doubt everything other than that. The play, the parts portrayed, the actors the parts had been portrayed by, your selection, my rejection. Everything. But not you, never you." He told all of this as if rehearsed and I knew he meant every bit of it. It seemed rehearsed, like it was practiced a million times because he actually felt that way and actively took efforts saying it out loud every time I was at a bad place or the situations were all going downhill. And yet, I remained staring at the ground. I didn't look up, not even a glance. Honestly, I didn't want to because every time I see my friends, I remember the look of disbelief and discomfort they had on their faces and it hurts my heart. The room immersed in silence but my mind didn't. It threw around several questions like 'What if I hadn't taken a stand for myself today?' 'How many girls end up feeling extremely uncomfortable and lonely because no one stands by their side at these vulnerable moments of their life?' 'What can I do to change this?' and 'How are you supposed to feel after all of this?'

With all these questions screaming in my head, I needed to let loose. I desperately needed to be alone, all by myself to understand and comprehend entirely what just happened moments ago. So, I decided to leave. Yes, I know they were all worried for me but so was I. I was anxious of my own well being and by this time, I had learnt how to place myself first and nurture my soul. So, I stepped towards the exit without making any eye contact with the people in the room. But my sister, she was always there for me. She was the one who was in reality my partner in crime, the one who stood through every one of my problem. Who helped me through every sorrow, who faced with me every one of my misery. I couldn't leave her without answers so I stopped moving, closed my eyes and suck in a deep breathe. I lifted my face, finally after one full minute to look straight into my sister's eyes and told her to not worry about me. I will be around but I just need to be by myself right now and I assured her that I wouldn't get myself, or better to say ourselves into any trouble and with this I marched straight out completely choosing to ignore the voices calling out for me. I just walk and walk very fast. So strong was my urge to get away from everybody.

Author's note -

Heyaaa everyone, I know I am extremely late on updating this one 😪🐤 But there were things going on in my life 🍹😌 But now, I am back and so glad to be back 🌱🌷 Honestly, I had expected this to be a one shot but I didn't expect it would turn out so huge 💜💅 As I started shaping the story, I realized it is going to take more time that what I had planned for it and more chapters than what I had intended. So, this story is going to have few more parts and don't worry, I will try to be very regular 💕 Every week, I promise I will try my best to give you guys an update. Thank you so much for being patient ✨

I hope you all will like this part, though I know it is kind of small. But I promise the next ones are going to be big 💘

Love you all and take care, sweethearts.

Also, MERRY CHRISTMAS. Enjoy yourselves and spread love and light, joy and grattitude.

- loads of love, xoxo

- lifieee.