Acknowledging the disgust.

• a new path to walk on •

Today felt different, different in a good way but I couldn't quite lay a finger on why I felt this good given whatever had happened yesterday. I didn't know who I would face today and how but I knew I would, I had to. I for one am not someone who runs away from their problems or at least I've turned out to be like that. Because I have known denying the issue never solves the problem, but only continues to aggrevate it and I wasn't going to let that happen, not this time. So, I sucked in a deep breathe and stepped outside and something about the cool wind grazing through my face felt so filmy yet so deliberate, so real, so normal. My sister as always stood beside me and I could tell she was tensed. After all, she is my soul sister, the one who's always stood by my side no matter what. I grabbed her clenched fist and she immediately relaxed. We knew we were in this together and now all her nervousness flew out of the window. One thing, about her is that no matter how tough she seems, how savage she is, she has the heart of gold, the soul of a child - inquisitive, curious and always getting into trouble but never knowing any selfishness, never abandoning her own ones. She was that unique, that beautiful and one of my very own and she'll always remain till the end of time.

We started our journey and I was tensed but I was also at peace with what I had done yesterday. Whatever conspired between I and my friends, between I and him was what needed to be done. The opening up, the accusations all needed to be done and once they were over with we could all start fresh either with each other or away from one another but at least it would be something. I could hear the pounding of my heart as college neared and my sister crushed my hand letting me know she was here, as she always was, as she always will be and this is the beauty of our relationship. We both give up on our own fears to comfort the other. We gather courage and strength for each other and we love each other. We will always love each other. I smiled at her gratefully and that gesture proved to me that she knew me too well, maybe for her own good. She knew words wouldn't give me the comfort I needed right now so she let her deeds do it. I exhaled, a full exhale and let go of everything and was just about to set my foot into the college when I heard him, call my name.

He called out for me and my eyes shut as if on instinct but I knew it was time to face the music and maybe today it wasn't going to be behind the closed doors of our music room but here, in the open, in front of everyone. I could sense him approaching me as I was gathering the courage to look at him. I wasn't scared of his eyes but sacred of the me that I would see inside them as je would read me, so easily, so effortlessly. I took in a few deep breathes. Something I always did when I was anxious and turned to look at him. My eyes found themselves clashing into his piercing gaze, ablaze with purpose, driven by passion and eager for action. Action? What sort of an action? I asked myself and as if he could hear me he let out a faint chuckle. I realised I wasn't scared anymore, after all I was home by his side. And then I rather looked annoyed because he was laughing at my expense but then again, who am I kidding. I'll always be his joker, as long as he wants me to be, just to make him laugh out loud. He wanted to say so much and I could see the desperation is his eyes and after yesterday I knew we needed this. And what came out of his mouth actually surprised me but I knew deep down I wanted to do what he had asked for. "I know, I know after yesterday, we have a lot of speaking to do - us with each other but with our friends too." He looked me deep in the eyes and continued "can we please skip college today? And before you think of anything wrong I want to tell you this is the only way we can talk. The amount of stuff we need to get off of our chests could never happen in college nor at anyone of our houses. We need to escape even if it was just for a while. We need a release and we need it now because the more we wait, the more pain and agony we inflict on each other and also our friends." I knew he was sincere. His words, his expressions, his eyes, his heartbeats, his warmth, his mere presence all indicated towards his sincerity. Behind him I could see our friends standing and looking at me hopefully but I could already tell they stood in a defeated posture as they already knew that I would never agree to skip college, never in my life but he, nonetheless, my partner pitched the idea to me for he never wanted to give up on us and so for the first time I wanted to skip college and go with him, let him take me where ever he wanted to take me to and talk it all out - loud and clear and weep and celebrate, fall asleep and wake up right in his arms where I rightfully belonged to. And I said "Yes". My friends stood with their mouths agape as they never would've even in their wildest dreams thought that this day would arrive. I wasn't surprised. I already knew I did go any lengths for him, for the love of my life, my home, my person. And he gave me a knowing smile. This guy knew me too well, he knew I would not decline this, gosh!! And my sister, the born and brought up drama queen started accusing me of never staying back at home from school, fir being so sincere that because of me she always had to go to school and all we could do was laugh at her antiques. I told her that she should go to college because after all it was I and him who needed to do the talking. She wasn't needed and she gave me a death glare, nothing that I didn't expect of her. This girl was the best entertainer of all times.

But now, we had to leave and so I accompanied him as our friends tagged behind. They maintained their distance because we needed time. I and him walked in a compatible comfortable silence. It was our thing. The silence between us was never void, there were and always will be emotions and love and respect and warmth. He cleared his throat and this was my sign to look at him and I did. He gestured towards his bike and a smile had instantly appeared on my face. I loved bikes!! Aha, let me correct that, I loved his bike for I could sit behind him and hold on to him and an added bonus the winds would caress my face and flow effortlessly through my locks. He saw the smile and I knew he felt content as he let out his happy sigh. I was by his bike even before he was and he looked amused but I knew I was eager and I didn't want to hide it. After all, he knew me too well and he would know me even better after today. He did start his bike and I hopped on almost immediately, I held on to his shoulders instantly and leaned into him. Oh gosh!! I remember how shy and awkward our first bike ride was. I wanted to place my hands on him so bad but I just couldn't. I couldn't. But now, I knew better than to hesitate. He was pleased and that was an understatement. I trusted him, more than I'll ever trust myself, more than I'll ever trust anyone and I could tell that to him a thousand times and show it to him countlessly. I knew these gestures meant a lot to him, but I also knew that they meant more than everything to me. I wouldn't just give into him because I want him to feel happy and satisfied but because I wanted to make myself feel home. These gestures are as much as for me as they are for him. In our relationship he never forced me for anything, not once. Not that I thought he would, but it is worth mentioning. Because relationships nowadays, somewhere or the other have lost the magic. Girls are still apprehensive but guys, they are persuasive and relationships do not work that way. A girl being shy is her right but he feeling like she has to do somethings just to make her man feel loved and keep him to her against her will has always disgusted me and will continue to do so. Every hand hold, every hug, every intimacy I share with the love of my life is because I am as desperate as he is, I need them as much as he needs them, I want them as much as he wants them. Yes, I might be less expressive, less experienced, more shy but I am never uncomfortable, never feeling burdened. And this is the beauty of true relationships. We know where to do draw the line but we know when to erase boundaries too. There is no right or wrong time to share intimacy but there is something called as consent and that stands above all. That will stand above all. Waiting till marriage, not wanting to hold your desires off they are both your choices. For a girl, they aren't choices men get to make, the aren't decisions men get to take. And for men, they aren't boundaries you want to fight against, they aren't barriers you want to invade within.

The beauty of relationships comes from being what you are. And we are all different people with different beliefs, distinct cultures, varied cultures but with the same warmth, the same respect and the same love.

And to get back to us, he rod his bike and we fled off. I was at peace. I did not feel tensed but I felt more free. I did know what was yet to come but I knew I made the right call, because this was the call my soul wished upon and this time I didn't want to give my mind the chance to interfere and bombard me with sense because in love you are bound to be foolish not because you are an idiot but because love isn't one. And with this we march towards our destination whatever it holds I know I'll be at peace with it.

Author's note -

Hey peeps, here I am. I promised an update this week and here we go. I hope you are all enjoying the story and hope you all like it.

Please feel free to leave your reviews in the comments below.

- loads of love, xoxo

- lifieee.