Acknowledging the disgust.

• pouring the heart out •

I close my eyes as the wind embraces me. I knew he was glancing at me through the rare-view mirror and that was more than enough for me to blush. My lips, they automatically widened and he understood. I could feel the tension leaving his body little by little and I wanted to set him free from it, the tension and so, without thinking much I just leaned forward and rested my head on his back. And I could feel his body freeze. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong but he was just shocked. I chuckled, an audible one. He let out a small exhale as I felt the divine peace having him with me here. The bike had slowed and I knew it was a deliberate move. He didn't want our journey to end and I smiled at that. I didn't want to move away too. And now, this is a shock. Isn't it? A girl so shy being so bold. Well, I always wanted this but I guess I was never honest to myself too. But now I am, I want to be. We didn't exchange a single word and yet so much pain had been eased just like that, just by being there with each other. So many complains had evaporated and so much anger melted. But, I knew better than to think that this was the end. No, we needed to talk. We did. And so, I started backing away. I wanted to tell him that we needed to sort all of the mess we were responsible for. We both said and did hurtful things, not intentionally, never intentionally but we did. And now, it was time for us to set things right. He stopped me and said - "Just let us be the way we are right now. I know we have to talk. I won't delay it but just for some more minutes let us enjoy what we feel" and I complied because I wanted the same. I have always wanted the same. I close my eyes once again and tighten my hold as much as I dare to and drink in his smell. It just intoxicating, but peaceful. It isn't wild but homely. It's just him and his. I knew my acts were giving him heart attacks as my hand was on his heart which felt like it'd leap out of his chest and the air around us carried the sound of his deep breathes. I smiled. Let him feel what I feel every time I see him. He knew I was messing around but only a little. I enjoyed my effect on him, sure but more than that I feel peace at the effect he had on me. The bike caught a little speed and I knew he wanted us to be far off, alone, just with ourselves soon. And with nothing else to do, I just let myself sink into him and his being. The bike stopped after a few more minutes and I knew it was time to let go off. Though neither of us wanted to but we had to. So, I hopped down the bike and now all of a sudden, I was shy. I was so shy that I couldn't stand in front of me. Oh god! How many shades do I have? And now it was his turn to chuckle. He knew extremely well what I was feeling and he enjoyed teasing me. I pouted as I didn't have anything else to do. He asked me to look at him and I shrunk a little more into myself. I am so shy. Goodness gracious!! And so, he put his forefinger just below my chin slightly touching me, almost caressing me and made me look at him and I knew I was a tomato. Heat rushed through my veins and I just wanted to hide somewhere and so, I just hugged him. I didn't want him to see me like that. Though I knew he had already seen me like this and will continue to do so forever and also be the reason for this face, I his myself and I held on to him as tight as I could. I knew what I was doing. It wasn't a decision I just randomly made. I knew I'd feel safe with him always and forever. While, this guy who calls himself romantic just freaking stood there and didn't even hold me back. He was just numb? I guess. But I wanted to feel secured. I already did but I needed action. And so, I held him a little more tight, to bring him out of his shock and this time he did and immediately wrapped his hands around me. To say I felt happy would be an understatement. I was elated. After all, I knew this was my place and my place only. And so, I did not want to move away but time doesn't stop. You live in the moment and reminisce it as a memory. I didn't want to leave, but we had to. I knew he wasn't going to break the hug no matter what and so I had to. Heavy-heartedly I started moving away and he held me tighter. I knew he too didn't want to let go but I didn't have a choice. I told him we have to let go. And so slowly, so very slowly he moved away and now I was shy but this time I was looking into his eyes. I knew I was red but I didn't care. I wanted to feel the same peace in him as I feel in myself while we are together, while we do anything that strengthens our relationship and seals our fate with one another. I wanted to see the same longing in them as I feel in my own. And his eyes captivate me like nothing else. He's a mystery I would walk into every day, happily and would never want to get out of. His eyes reciprocated the warmth and the genuine love he held for me and it warmed my insides even more. It turned me jelly just wanting to fall into his arms. We could've stood there like that forever and not complained if it weren't for the car that just passed by us. And as the moment passed, I knew it was now a memory. And after this, whatever came we had to listen to it, respect it, talk about it. He had the same realisation as our eyes met and now, we knew better than to delay our talking.