Should He Matter? (BXB)

Chapter 22 - Trevor

Trevor Chidubem 

Luke's asleep sprawled out across my chest, I stroke through his hair gently watching the rise and fall in his chest. 

Luke didn't say a word to me after I asked him to forgive Adrien. 

Am I being selfish by asking Luke to forgive Adrien for all the shit he has said in the past? Adrien really did hurt Luke with his words, does Luke feel like I'm just brushing all that off by asking him to forgive Adrien? 

Groaning quietly I close my eyes. What am I supposed to do with these two? I don't want to be caught in the middle of them, I don't have the energy for the constant bickering and back and forth. They really do act like siblings, hate each other as much as they love each other. Would Charlie and I have been like this? Charlie and I have a greater age difference so maybe not. I'd hope not. 

I still can't believe he's gone.

When I leave here, he won't be waiting for me by the door asking why I was gone for so long and then get upset that I had a sleepover without him. I won't try to win over by saying I'll play Mario Kart. 

I would have loved to have seen his surprise and happiness at finding out Adrien and I became co-captains. I can imagine him cheering, running around the room and then tackling the both of us into hugs. He'd have been ecstatic. 

A small smile tugs at my lips at the bittersweet thought. 

Why'd the world have to take him so soon? 

Why couldn't God let us have more time with him? 

He was just a kid. 

I can't believe it's already been nearly 3 months. I think about the day he died over and over, it feels like it was just last week we were all gathered around his hospital bed. He told us to smile, he wanted to go laughing. He said if that was the last time we were going to see him, then he wanted us to remember him happy. So we sat around him sharing stories of happier times, and we all laughed with unshed tears in our eyes. 

We were talking about the time we'd gone ice skating together, laughing about how Luke had fallen face flat, but it was one of those slow-motion falls. Adrien had managed to capture it all on his phone. Charlie had thrown his head back laughing, eyes shut. It's as if he'd gone to catch his breath but never did. Everyone was busy laughing and asking to watch the video again, Ma had Adrien's phone. 

But I was watching Charlie, I watched him take his last breath. I caught Adrien's eye and he was watching too. As soon as the flatline rang out, the room went silent for a brief second before the alarm started ringing, there was a pause before Nne got up to shake him, she was shouting his name but I knew it was no use. Everyone was standing over Charlie, Nna screaming for a doctor or nurse but the alarm was ringing over his words. I stayed rooted in my spot silently watching. Adrien slowly walked backwards out of the room as Ma started CPR, Luke was crying, Nne kept saying his name over and over begging him to come back to her. Nurses rushed in first telling us to move out of the way or step outside. 

But it was no use trying to save him, he was gone. 

That moment plays over in my mind on a constant loop. The way his eyes lit up watching the video, the way he looked up to meet my eye smiling before going back to watching Luke fall. The way he closed his eyes before throwing his head back laughing. 

He knew he was dying, he knew he didn't have long left but instead of being full of hate and anger, he smiled and laughed. 

I'm here for a good time not a long time. 

He used to say that all the time laughing. Nne would always be cautious about him going out and trying new stuff. Convincing her to let him go ice skating seemed like mission impossible. She wouldn't stop telling us stories about kids who got their limbs amputated, a kid that somehow went blind going ice skating... her stories got more and more ridiculous as she tried to deter us. But Charlie just laughed and said, "Nne, I'm here for a good time not a long time."  Nna yelled at him, but Nne slowly came around to the idea. I should have realised sooner that he was dying, but it just never seemed like a possibility even when he said shit like that.