"please? i just want to talk." luke spoke gently.
i stood there in the middle of the room before deciding to let him in.
"what." i spoke softly.
"i saw that." he replied as he walked inside slowly.
"and? i'm fine. just leave it be please." i whispered.
"no, let's talk. that isn't healthy. you can't do that stuff ." luke whispered as motioned towards my arm.
"i can do what i want. i'm grown up enough." i spoke as i brought my arm closer to my stomach.
"indigo no. sure, you're grown up enough and can do what you want, but not when it comes to self harm." luke spoke firmly.
"when did you become in charge of me?" i replied angrily.
"i never said i was, but that doesn't mean i'm not going to step in if i think you're hurting yourself." luke spoke with tears in his eyes.
"i know i left. i did. i was bad for that, but i'm trying okay? i'm not going to let my daughter harm herself."
i stared at him with tears in my eyes before pointing to my door. "leave."
"no. i'm not going to walk away like i did last time. please just talk to me and let me help. if you don't want me i'll get ash, or cal or michael. any of them. just let someone help." luke spoke firmly.
i sighed and sat down on my bed.
"i didn't cut." i whispered.
"then what happened babe?" luke spoke as he sat next to me.
"i burned." i whispered as i let my arm hit my leg.
luke sat silently for a moment before speaking, "did you clean them?"
"no. well, i showered, but i didn't put any ointment or soap." i replied.
"can i see? just to make sure they aren't infected? or can calum look?" luke spoke softly.
"no. i'm fine." i spoke firmly.
"okay, let me rephrase. i need you to let calum look to make sure they are infected." luke spoke.
i shook my head as i put my arm behind my back.
"don't make this difficult indigo." luke pleaded as he gave his arm out.
i felt bad. i needed help, but what was i going to lose by getting help?
i sighed before gently pulling up my sleeve and seeing blood poking through the gauze.
"jeez indigo." luke whispered as he gently pulled my arm forward.
he gently took off the gauze and inhaled when he saw the marks on my arm.
luke examined them for a minute before speaking, "they don't look infected, but i still want calum to look to be sure. i also want you to start therapy sessions with ashton."
i nodded stiffly as luke dragged me to calum's room.
"i need you to check these and make sure they aren't infected. i am pretty sure they aren't but a second opinion wouldn't hurt." luke spoke as calum stood up from his bed.
he gently walked over and grabbed my arm as luke shined a light.
"you're right. no infection. keep them clean and next time, talk to one of us. our doors are open to you 24/7." calum spoke softly as he placed my arm down.
i nodded again not saying a word. i was embarrassed, but maybe that's how i'll get over this hole i'm sinking into.
i walked back to my room and into the bathroom. i locked the door as tears flooded my eyes.
i don't even know why i felt the need to hurt myself. it just made me feel better.
what i really needed was a cigarette.
i left the bathroom and headed downstairs.
"i'm going to go for a walk. is that okay? i think i just need fresh air." i spoke softly as i looked over at luke who was sitting on the couch.
"yep, just be back before 10 please." he spoke with a tiny smile.
i nodded before walking off. i walked to the nearest convenience store and waited for someone to show up.
a young girl walked up. she looked over 21, but not over 30.
"hey, could i pay you to grab me a pack of cigarettes?" i asked softly.
"yeah, sure. what type?" she asked with a tiny smile.
"any." i smiled back softly.
she nodded and went inside, bought what she needed and the cigarettes before walking out.
"here's a 20." i whispered as i handed her the money.
she took it and i began to walk away when she caught my arm.
"you look young, it's wrong for me to probably buy this for you, but you look like you need it. good luck." she spoke softly as she let go of my arm and walked away.
i stood there for a couple seconds before i headed back to luke's house.
i opened the door and saw no one downstairs.
i walked up to my room and shut the door before walking into the bathroom. i turned the shower on and sat on the toilet.
i grabbed my secret light and lit up a cigarette.
about 30 minutes later, i was half way done with the cigarette before i heard someone open my door.
"he- why the heck does it smell like cigarettes in here?" michael's voice rang as he stood outside of my room.
fuck, i forgot about the no vents situation.
