Kiss in the Rain

It's A Match

Thanksgiving came and went. As much as I want to say that Goober and I spent it together, I can't because we didn't. That day when we fought and made up was the same day that he had to leave again. So before I returned to my apartment after being with him and Chuck that entire time, I just bid him goodbye and tried not to let my disappointment show especially when he told me that he can't spend Thanksgiving with me. In fact, he can't spend ANY holidays with me because his job got extended.

He said he wanted to--real bad. He just really can't. I decided not to push the issue further because I didn't want us to fight again. So, I nodded then left. And you know what?

It hurts.

It fucking hurts.

I know Ethan has zero intention of having me feel this way. I mean, I did promise him that I'd wait for when he's ready to tell me the truth. It's just that-- I sometimes can't help but feel like he doesn't think I'm worthy of knowing the real him. He already knows my past. He already knows my present. He already knows Natalie Baker inside and out.

Why can't I know Ethan Spencer?

"Lee-lee, why are you avoiding Mooma?"

Matt and I were at my apartment and we're spending the weekend together before he leaves for Christmas and New Year. I was in the midst of making my iced coffee when he asked me and I couldn't help but stop in my tracks. I slowly turned to look at Matt.

He was casually leaning against the kitchen door frame with his arms folded across his chest. And although his demeanor might appear calm, I could see the apprehension among his eyes and the tension in his jaw.

I shrugged lightly, acting as if I can't understand him. "I don't know what you're talking about," I muttered then resumed what I was doing. Matt groaned in frustration.

"Don't do that," he said through gritted teeth. I looked back at him and saw him step closer towards me. "You didn't spend Thanksgiving with us, you're not visiting her anymore, you're not calling her, you're not asking about her-- you don't even want to spend Christmas with us. It's like you don't care about her anymore!"

That's not true. I still care about Mooma. Hell, she raised me as her own and for that I'm forever grateful to her! I just can't get over the anger and hurt of finding out that her intentions weren't the same as what I thought they were. And I guess the reason is because I felt betrayed by one of the very few people whom I love the most.

I swallowed a few times before answering Matt. I don't want to put him in a position where he has to pick sides. This has nothing to do with him and I don't want him to be affected by it. So, I waved my hand once (like swatting an imaginary fly) and tried to appear nonchalant. "It's not like it's the first time I didn't spend my Thanksgiving with you, guys. Besides, how would you even know if I'm calling her or not? It's not like you always check her phone or something."

He stared at me hard. I took a sip of my coffee to calm my nerves. Please let's stop talking about this. "What's going on?" he asked under his breath, his gaze not wavering from mine.